After a hectic political year, it’s time to take a few days off for the holidays. What if for once, political leaders spent Christmas Eve together? 20 minutes imagined* a Secret Santa between Emmanuel Macron, Jean-Luc Mélenchon, Eric Zemmour, Marine Le Pen, Eric Ciotti, and Sandrine Rousseau. The principle is simple: each politician has randomly chosen the person to whom he must give a present. Between poisoned gifts and petty mischief, the atmosphere looks set to be explosive at the foot of the tree.
Sandrine Rousseau to Emmanuel Macron: “feminism for Dummies”
The environmentalist deputy from Paris took the name of the President of the Republic. And that’s good: a few days before Christmas, Emmanuel Macron dismayed feminists with an outing on Gérard Depardieu. In an interview on France 5 on Wednesday evening, the president denounced “a manhunt” against the actor, of whom distressing images were revealed in the program Complément d’investigation, and targeted by two complaints in France for rape and sexual assault. Sandrine Rousseau accused the head of state of “promoting rape culture”. She therefore took care to offer him “feminism for Dummies” so that he would not forget his promise to make it “the great cause of the five-year term”.
Marine Le Pen to Eric Zemmour: a little harrisa
The former boss of the National Rally chose to offer her best enemy, Eric Zemmour, a little harissa. A wink to the former polemicist’s declaration of love for couscous, but not only. Because Marine Le Pen chose it very spicy, hoping that the red pepper puree would push the founder of Reconquête to come out of his skin again. A fan of political (low) blows, she is aware that the identity rival has helped her in her normalization strategy.
Jean-Luc Mélenchon to Eric Ciotti: “Little authoritarianism illustrated”
It’s an understatement to say that Eric Ciotti had a lot to do during 2023 to hold his troops together. Scattered like a puzzle on pension reform, the right managed to find its way as best it could on the question of immigration. But we are far, far from the iron discipline of La France insoumise. Jean-Luc Mélenchon therefore opted for one of his favorite works: “Little Authoritarianism Illustrated”, just to slip in some advice on managing a party. A good player, the tribune also took the liberty of adding a laser game session like team building to strengthen the unity of Republicans, so often used to shooting each other through the media.
Emmanuel Macron offers Jean-Luc Mélenchon: chamomile
The head of state can no longer stand his incendiary tweets and his invectives against the government. His Minister of Justice suggested the idea of chamomile to him. Eric Dupont-Moretti remembers that he had already proposed to Jean-Luc Mélenchon this soothing plant in 2019, a few days before his trial for the stormy search at LFI headquarters. Emmanuel Macron opted for chamomile infusion, without however being convinced that it is enough to calm the ardor of the rebel.
Eric Ciotti to Marine Le Pen: no (additional) gift
The president of the National Rally will probably be disappointed not to see any gift in her name at the foot of the tree. Eric Ciotti, who was to give him a present, considered it sufficient to have recently passed a considerably tougher immigration bill in Parliament. The left and some Macronists considered that the text adopted this week was “a gift” for the RN, since it took up some of its ideas, in particular on the law of the soil and national preference. Didn’t Marine Le Pen herself declare that this was an “ideological victory” for her party?
Eric Zemmour to Sandrine Rousseau: a state-of-the-art barbecue
The boss of Reconquête had no gift idea for the environmentalist with whom he shares nothing in common. What if this New Year’s Eve, he was a little provocative? Accustomed to flashes, Eric Zemmour therefore chose a state-of-the-art barbecue for the Paris MP, who portrayed the practice as a “symbol of virility”. The former columnist has already prepared his arguments to debate red meat and machismo with the elected EELV.
*Any resemblance with facts and characters existing or having existed is purely fortuitous and could only be the result of pure coincidence.