“We both have a license, but I very rarely drive when we go on long trips.” Like Cyrielle and her partner, many straight couples won’t even ask themselves the question this Friday evening, when they get in the car, heading for the well-deserved Easter vacation. As usual, the young woman will sit in the passenger seat, perhaps even put her feet on the dashboard, while her boyfriend will sit to her left, a mint chewing gum in his mouth and looking assured.
We have certainly pushed the cliché a little, but we are in fact not that far from the truth for a large part of families: “For trips linked to shopping and especially for vacations, it is the man who drives for the majority of respondents, indicate researchers from Gustave Eiffel University, who were interested in a study on sharing the wheel among couples and have just delivered their first conclusions. There is only a small third [des trajets] for whom it is always or most often the woman who drives. »
The well-established idea that “it’s up to man to drive”
Among the many readers of 20 minutes who responded to our call for testimonies, these situations seem to be repeated over and over again. But not everyone has the same analysis of the reasons that motivate them. “When we take the highway, it’s always me who has to take the wheel because my wife is afraid,” says Yves, 60, for example. “It’s actually my husband who drives,” reports Isabelle, 43 years old. By common choice, because it tires less quickly, and because I have joint pain. » “It’s always Monsieur,” Georgina notes. I was a paramedic, it seems to me that I have mastered it, but nothing helps! » Xavier, for his part, bluntly assumes: “I like driving,” confirms the forty-year-old. My wife doesn’t drive because I don’t give it to her! »
So who is to blame ? To Madam who would be too freaked out or even lazy? A gentleman who is a little obliged but who, in fact, wouldn’t let go of the gear lever for anything in the world? Or to a “social habit that we have unconsciously reproduced”, as one reader asks? For Marie-Axelle Granié, director of research in psychology at Gustave Eiffel University, it is the gender stereotypes that we must look for. “There is this well-established idea that it is up to the man to drive, to decide whether he takes the wheel or leaves it… At the same time, we put it into women’s heads very early on that this is not the case. isn’t something for them, which is why they tend to say they don’t like it. Phrases like “Women at the wheel, death at the corner”, without any basis, fuel these beliefs. It also has effects on their feeling of competence behind the wheel, their difficulties in passing the practical driving test…”
When prudence (does) rhyme (not) with incompetence
At 38, Célia will not say the opposite. She also says she lets herself be led by her partner, for fear… of judgment. Criticisms feared by many women, noted the researchers during interviews carried out with a representative sample of the French population. “When I drive, I feel that he is not comfortable,” confides the young woman about her partner. Sometimes he makes the movement of braking with his foot… He would like me to drive more often, but when there is someone in the car, I get stressed. The license was complicated: it took me almost 100 hours to feel ready. However, I have never had an accident since I got it. And when I’m alone, everything is fine. »
A diagram in which Marie-Axelle Granié and her team were interested in taking into account the mortality figures on the road, where men are very largely represented*. The researcher highlights this mechanism: the more we are used to it, the more comfortable we feel, and the more risks we take. “The problem is that these behaviors which can be dangerous, such as driving a little fast, are sometimes seen as signs of control. It’s a vicious circle: we feel competent so we take risks, and the more we take, the more the feeling grows! »
A phenomenon which would turn against the less experienced: “The caution of a woman who does not drive regularly is seen as a sign of incompetence. And further reinforces the idea that she would not be made for that. » So much so that a 2017 study showed that out of 100 license holders who gave up driving, almost two thirds are women, due to fear and a lack of taste.
“My husband doesn’t like it, and fortunately! »
However, during the Easter holidays, our reader Cyrielle will surely have to touch the brake pedal. Especially if she spends a drunken evening with her boyfriend, at a restaurant or with friends… “I have trouble leaving the wheel, except when we go out in the evening and I have drunk beyond the authorized limit. There, I give it up without batting an eyelid,” admits Cyril, 45 years old. Delphine is in the same situation: “He tells me that it’s less serious if I’m the one who has my license revoked in the event of a police check!” The joke ! », she whispers.
A “share” which does not surprise Marie-Axelle Granié: “What we saw during our interviews is that the woman is often there in relay, or to go from point A to point B. A gendered vision which is present even among very young people. And the stereotypes do not change, unlike the freedom that some take to emancipate themselves from them. »
Because among the Internet users who responded to us, it doesn’t always happen like that. If some couples plead for “equitable sharing” of journeys, others claim that Madame has exclusivity. “It’s always me, and I’m the one who has the biggest car,” says Michèle, 77, for example. My husband doesn’t like it and fortunately, because I can’t stand being a passenger.”
Because small comments on the other’s way of doing things can obviously go both ways, even when it comes to slots or flashing. “When it’s my husband at the wheel, I have a little trouble relaxing, I check everything and I can’t help but tell him when something doesn’t suit me,” reports Agnès. So for household peace, I’m the one driving! »
* According to the National Interministerial Safety Observatory, in mainland France in 2022, 3,267 people died on the roads. Among them, there were 2,545 men and 722 women.