M. Beisenherz: Sorry, I’m here privately
Da simmer dubai
© Illustration: Dieter Braun/stern
When eating Smurf ice cream is perceived as shameless and Oberhausen becomes a holiday destination, we know: things are slowly getting serious!
By Mickey Beisenherz
Well, am I perhaps catching you in the process of dealing with one of the existential questions – waffle or cup – while the consumption of ice cream alone represents an almost unbelievable ignorance of the world situation?
When will the ice cream parlor finally come? Is it still fitting to greet this summer’s worrying temperatures with an unperturbed lick of a scoop of Smurf ice cream?
In Sicily, the forests are burning, but Doreen Hügelschiss struts through the Herne pedestrian zone with her squirrel like the Lady Liberty of climate ignorance!
It’s actually only a matter of time before the expensive dish is whipped straight out of the waffle.
This was probably the last summer in which we see the “record heat” illustrated in the media with pictures of people picnicking in the park and bombshells in bathing lakes. Which may also have something to do with the fact that the jump into the lake often ended with a hard landing on dusty ground. The local waters did something that would have helped the Münster cone brothers on Mallorca a lot: they stayed dry for a surprisingly long time.
Suddenly water levels are as negative as only interest rates are, and once you’ve stopped giggling about headlines like “dryness in the buttocks” in puberty, you quickly realize that things are slowly getting serious.
Selfies from the beach body in the midst of dead fish – no one dares to do that
Even if some young people proudly look down from the Rhine bridge at hundreds of e-scooters that they have thrown in here over the years – all this is not good.
But let’s see it positively: Where no water flows, we are not bothered by thousands of photos in social networks that document bare feet on the bank with a bottle of Beck’s between the quanta. And selfies from the Beach Body in the midst of tens of thousands of dead fish in the Oder, nobody dares to do that either.
And we, who aggressively enjoy the summer heat: are we laughingly roasting marshmallows over the campfire, which in reality is already hellfire? On the other hand, what good would it do not to enjoy the current situation, where it has been proven that it will be unbearably hot in the long term and very soon very cold again in the short term?
What do you think? Will this be the last summer that we book our Mykonos flight reasonably guilt-free? Oh, yeah, you didn’t have that unadulterated anticipation that you used to, because, well, climate change and all – and yet in the end the superego didn’t win through because, “Sure, Mother Earth isn’t doing well. But now I have to do something for myself!” In addition, the Chinese are building 30 new coal-fired power plants, which is supposed to start first.
Duisburg as the Saint-Tropez of the North
When will we cancel summer holidays abroad? When only firefighting planes are allowed to land in Tuscany anyway? Or because it simply doesn’t rain in Travemünde between May and September? Then why fly away!
By 2035 at the latest, Oberhausen will have a constant 45 degrees in the shade. With the giant mall and indoor ski center just around the corner, it will be like Dubai. When the Geissens then move their summer residence there, NRW will become the new tourism hotspot. With Duisburg as the Saint-Tropez of the North!
Let’s make the best of it.