When he enters the café where we are meeting, he could pass for an average forty-year-old. No Roman collar, jeans and sneakers. But something in him shines: his frank smile, his laughing eyes. Despite the dramatic news of recent days, Father Matthieu seems at peace. In The heart stories of a young priest*, recently published, he recounts his surprising journey: estudying in business school, he was an advisor in tax optimization and lived with a woman for four years. He hides nothing of his doubts, his faults and his anger.
Now priest of Joigny, in Burgundy, he has brought the Catholic religion to social networks and has more than a million subscribers on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube. For 20 minutes, he returns to his particular itinerary and his convictions. A free and rare word.
“Am I made for this life of self-denial and prayer? », you write. Was your period of doubt long before becoming a priest?
I returned to the seminary to pursue a quest. I had a lot of obstacles: I had had a girlfriend before, I hadn’t been perfect… I didn’t see myself up to the mission. But halfway through my training, something clicked. It became clear that I wanted to get involved. My mother also helped me a lot by telling me “If you are happy to be a priest today, be one and if one day that is no longer the case, you will stop being one. » This sentence freed me.
You describe your ordination as a moment of ecstasy. That’s to say ?
It was a moment where I felt like I was touching eternity. It was the culmination of an initiatory journey. I vibrated on a frequency that transcended me, I was on cloud nine. My childhood friends were also very happy for me. The cathedral was filled with 2,500 people, there was chiaroscuro, magnificent singing, the organ sounded. It was masterful. It is often said that the life of priests is one of self-sacrifice, I am not so sure. We don’t have the right to a wedding in a beautiful castle, but an ordination is grandiose.
You mention an “inner quest for healing”, what did you want to heal from by becoming a priest?
I don’t know, because I had a happy suburban middle-class life. I don’t know what my flaws are and I don’t look for them. By just focusing on what is going wrong, we no longer see all the light around us. My job is precisely to shed light on what God has put good in everyone’s life, despite the difficulties experienced.
No subject is taboo with you. You talk about your moments of attraction to women. How were you able to overcome your desires to pursue your path of faith?
I know I am small, fragile, vulnerable, and the fact of knowing I am potentially a fisherman makes me all the more cautious. The Bible often takes the image of clay vessels into which God has breathed his spirit of life and love. For this little clay candle holder that we are to shine, it must have flaws. I wanted to show that it is not because you are a priest that you are ethereal. We also have emotions. An impulse is born in us without us controlling it, we must not feel guilty about this. But the question is what we do with it: do we entertain the fantasy or not? It is possible not to succumb to it.
You talk about the end of masturbation as a liberation, as a fulfillment. Is it possible to erase sexuality from your life?
I really think so, provided you are emotionally balanced. I am lucky to have friendships that fulfill me perfectly. The priests I know have certainly had their battles on this point, but I think they are very happy.
You have a million followers on TikTok. Why is it important to implement religion within social networks?
Today, our contemporaries have a thirst for the spiritual. They no longer feed themselves through books or family discussions, but through social networks. If we believe we can offer them answers to their existential questions, let’s use their tools.
I quote: “Can you be gay and Christian? » “Is suicide a sin? »… Does your superiors approve of your very free tone?
I have never been directly questioned. The only video that was divisive was about homosexuality. But my hierarchy is the bishop of Yonne. And he signed a column in The cross in which he condemned homophobia. This also earned him a round of criticism. They made me an LGBT lobbyist when all I did was say that homosexuals wouldn’t go to hell for that! And that I think we should make the blessings of gay marriages possible.
Have you brought French people back to the Christian religion?
The day after the first confinement, there was a return of the spiritual. Faced with a distressing world, we need God. People from the neighborhood who did not come to Church came regularly. We are also witnessing an increase in baptisms of young people and adults. Last year, six baptisms were celebrated in Joigny, this year, fifteen will be.
You say that it takes you at least 6 hours to write a homily. Where do you find your inspiration?
In the hearts that revealed themselves to me the week before. Afterwards, to write something profound, you have to let time pass for it to settle. It’s essential that I bring something to people and that I don’t paraphrase.
You have been to Israel, how do you feel about the massacre perpetrated?
My heart is tight with pain.
You say you were beaten up in the street and called a “pointer” because of the pedophilia cases in the Church. How do you deal with this suspicion?
I don’t feel worried on a daily basis. I never stay alone with a teenager or child. Necessary rigor. As for those who fell on me, I told myself that they were weaker, less lucky than me.
Can your background encourage some of your contemporaries to commit to the priesthood?
This is the only ambition of this book! When I was little, the known priests were Don Camillo, Abbot de La Morandais and Guy Gilbert. It didn’t really make you want it! If my example makes some people want to question their vocation, so much the better. Being a priest is a wonderful life.