“I can manage on my own”, “I’m not crazy”, “I’m not going to tell my life story to someone I don’t know”, etc. There is no shortage of arguments used by many men suffering from mental illness to never enter the door of a psychotherapy office. “I am going to get into clichés but they are so true,” warns the psychoanalyst, Alain Heril, at the outset. Men are taught to hold on and grit their teeth. When a man is not doing well mentally, he tells himself that it will pass, that he must remain strong. »
However, the mental health of the latter is not spared. For example, in 2019, one in ten French men (9.2%) suffered from a depressive syndrome. Another striking figure: 19.8% of the male population uses alcohol dangerously, according to a study by the interministerial mission to combat drugs and addictive behavior published in 2021. The fact remains that according to a YouGov study carried out in 2020 for Psychologies, 35% of French women have already consulted a psychologist, compared to only 25% of men. A figure which at the time of Movember, awareness month on men’s health (and in particular mental health), raises questions.
“Coming to the psychologist is a proof of courage, of strength”
“In our Western culture, men are more encouraged to act than to ask for help,” continues psychologist Filipa Da Silva Pereira. In case of difficulty, they will, for example, immerse themselves in their work or leave their wife to move into another relationship. » “Men are less accustomed to doing emotional introspection, to wondering how they are, perhaps because they have been taught less,” says psychopractitioner Stéphanie Almon, who believes that we must “choose to face our problems rather than avoid them”. “Coming to the psychologist is a proof of courage, of strength,” says Filipa Da Silva Pereira.
For professionals that 20 minutes asked, it is also a question of ego. “Men often say to themselves, ‘I don’t see how someone I don’t know could help me more than myself’, whereas women are used to asking for outside opinions,” emphasizes Stéphanie Almon.
Three times more suicides among men
The consequences of the imperatives of virility do not stop there. According to therapists, the majority of men, accustomed to comparing themselves with each other, prefer to confide in one and not a therapist. “They often say to themselves that a psychotherapist will judge them less than a male professional with whom there will be a projection mechanism,” says therapist Stéphanie Almon. And when they finally open the door of an office, men do so later than their female counterparts. “Women often come as soon as they encounter a problem, they act immediately,” explains psychologist Filipa Da Silva Pereira. The men who consult me are often between 40 and 50 years old and have been experiencing anxieties and phobias for years, which have become pathological. »
By not being treated early enough, these pathologies can set in and the consequences are sometimes dramatic. “By dint of “holding on” as much as possible, things can break at a moment in a very violent way with deep depressions, serious burn-outs, suicidal ideas or even acts of violence,” warns Alain Heril. The figures are also clear: suicides are three times more numerous among men than among women.
“We can experience failures from which we can emerge alive and strong”
But nothing is immutable. The recent freedom of speech around mental health and the questioning of markers of virility are pushing more and more men to lie down on the couch (or sit on the chair). If the patient base of all the specialists interviewed is predominantly female, an evolution is evident. “When I started in 1990, 95% of my patients were female,” assures Alain Heril. Today, we must be around 65%. » An observation shared by Stéphanie Almon: “men are starting to post reviews on my Google profile with their real first and last name. This never happened before. »
Alain Heril, however, regrets a “very slow” evolution: “we must tell boys, from a very young age, that we can experience failures, moments when we cannot succeed, and from which we can emerge alive and strong . » And our three specialists assure us: society has everything to gain. “This would calm relationships between the two genders, but also between men by developing a fraternity,” analyzes Alain Heril.
To finish convincing the most reluctant men, Stéphanie Almon reminds us that there are multiple types of therapies. Because no, therapy doesn’t necessarily last ten years, and no, not all therapists just nod their heads and add a “and what did you feel at that time?” » to fill awkward silences. “I, for example, don’t deal with deep depression or serious pathologies, but with people who come to find solutions to small life problems. The idea is to see things from another perspective. »