Whether it’s a birthday, Easter, Christmas or New Year – sometimes you receive a particularly large number of messages. What to do if you missed replying quickly? Jonathan Lösel has some advice. He is chairman of the German Etiquette Council and an expert in dealing with digital media. He responded to the interview request by email after just a few hours. But Lösel doesn’t have time for a phone call until a few days later.
SZ: Mr. Lösel, how many unanswered messages do you have on your cell phone?
Jonathan Lösel: Hmm, I’ll take a quick look… well, if I add everything up, Whatsapp, Threema, Signal, Telegram, Linkedin, Xing, Instagram, then there are around 60 messages.
60!
Oh, I haven’t even counted emails.
Quite a lot for someone who Expert in good handling is.
I have to say: Not all open chats are ones in which I haven’t responded yet. I also mark chats with people that I would just like to write to again – as a reminder. Without that, there are maybe ten messages that I haven’t answered yet.
Until when can you reply to a WhatsApp message? For example, if you have unanswered chats with Christmas greetings or New Year wishes.
Responding to Christmas wishes is really too late now, in mid-January. New Year’s wishes are still okay. A guideline is: You can still wish yourself a “Happy New Year” until the second week of January.
So if someone wishes me “Merry Christmas”, I don’t respond at all now?
Yes, please answer. But I wouldn’t make Christmas a big deal anymore. I would thank you, then perhaps wish the person a “Happy New Year” and then ask how he or she is doing. Completely relaxed.
Many platforms offer the option to react to a message with an emoji. How do you actually find that?
This is useful! I get a lot of messages on my birthday. I then make sure that I give out hearts and “thumbs up” as soon as possible, at the latest the day after. And some of them I’ll write again afterwards. Reacting with emoji also helps in Whatsapp groups: If someone asks: “How’s it going, do we want to meet tonight?”, you can also answer with “thumbs up”, like in a survey.
Jonathan Lösel is chairman of the German Etiquette Council and an expert in dealing with digital media.
(Photo: Rainer Wälde)
That means, as a basic rule: always respond to messages?
Exactly, and what is important when answering late: be honest. Don’t make up white lies like “The smartphone was broken.” There should be no imbalance in the chat. If I don’t react, the relationship scales remain unbalanced. Then the other person may ask themselves: “Oops, why isn’t he answering me? Is he mad at me, have I done something wrong or is he just busy?”
How do you decide who to respond to first?
I always answer my family first. And then it’s based on urgency: When a customer writes to me, I respond quickly. In business, you should respond to emails in 24 to 48 hours, at the latest. On social media, the expected message is: you get in touch by the end of the day.
And if I wait a long time for an answer – how do I proceed?
You can simply ask after a day or two. “Oh, how does it look? Did my message arrive?” And if you still don’t get anything back, try again a few days later. I would try three times, at different intervals. And if nothing happens then, again in a month.
Isn’t that annoying?
I do not find. Today, in the flood of news, it’s easy for something to slip through, accidentally, with a click. As the person who hasn’t replied yet, I should do so as quickly as possible.
Speaking of which: Of your ten open messages – how old is the oldest message?
It’s from November. A colleague who I haven’t seen for a while simply asked me: “So, how are you? What’s the status?” I’ll answer her in a few days now.