School bullying not only destroys the students who are victims of it, it also hurts their brothers and sisters by ricochet. This is the theme addressed by the Belgian film
A world , by Laura Wandel, which will be released this Wednesday, January 26 and will be talked about a lot. It features Nora, a primary school student who witnesses the multiple attacks suffered by her older brother Abel.
The further the film progresses, the more a reality emerges: brothers and sisters are collateral victims of bullying at school and are still too little taken into account: “It is not ingrained in the minds of parents that in the event of harassment of a child, it is necessary to take an interest in the siblings. At school, too, their suffering is also put aside, because we focus on the direct victim, ”explains Nicole Catheline, child psychiatrist at the Henri-Laborit Hospital Center in Poitiers. “However, seeing your brother or sister suffer is very disturbing, because very often, you identify with him. This can generate a feeling of insecurity at school, even academic difficulties”, explains Marie Quartier*, head of the Orfeee Network, dedicated to the treatment of school suffering.
“Don’t tell dad, it will only make things worse”
The closer they are, the more the siblings will be receptive to what the victim is going through. Sometimes this family unit can be a weapon against abusers. “By breaking the victim’s loneliness, the brother or sister can reverse the balance of power and prevent a group from coalescing,” notes Marie Quartier. But it is clear that siblings do not always have the means to intervene and are sometimes reduced to the status of petrified witnesses. “A child who intervenes alone in front of a group can take bad hits, become a victim himself. Do not act without the help of an adult,” recommends Nicole Catheline.
In the film, Nora sees the stalkers stick her brother’s head in the toilet bowl. An unbearable scene. But she doesn’t say anything to the adults at first, because her brother has told her to keep quiet. “Don’t say anything to dad, it would only make things worse,” he breathes. A fairly frequent attitude, according to Marie Quartier: “Victims often fear that adults will intervene in a clumsy way, by targeting only one or two aggressors, whereas school bullying is a group phenomenon. To act, you have to break the collective dynamic of the mistreating group”.
“A feeling of helplessness and guilt”
If the brother or sister respects this order of silence, it is not without difficulty. “The fact of witnessing attacks without being able to act generates a feeling of helplessness and guilt which can make you sick”, underlines Nicole Catheline. In addition, there is a real conflict of loyalty: should you talk and therefore break the promise you made to your brother or sister? Or keep quiet, risking reproaches a posteriori from the parents?
Very often, when school bullying becomes more and more extensive, the brothers and sisters who witness it end up spilling the beans to the parents. This is the case in A world, where Nora lets go of the information to her father when what her brother is going through becomes unbearable. “Children talk when they know it’s going too far. And that it is even sometimes a question of survival”, analyzes Nicole Catheline. “But this role of whistleblower places a heavy responsibility on them to assume”, comments Marie Quartier.
Sometimes mixed feelings
When the siblings are in the same establishment, it also happens that the brother or sister who sees their loved one being harassed has ambivalent feelings towards them. What the film shows very well A world, where Nora witnesses the taunts of her comrades concerning her brother, which prevents her from being carefree, from fully living her life as a child. “You don’t know how to defend yourself,” she ends up reproaching him. “Some children lock themselves in their bubble to limit the repercussions of the situation on them. They don’t want to lose their friends because their brother or sister is a scapegoat,” observes Marie Quartier. “They don’t want to be burdened with that nagging sister or brother. They also feel that the latter is stealing their parents’ attention with these problems. This can lead them to develop behavioral problems to attract attention,” adds Nicole Catheline.
Complex emotions that brothers and sisters often keep quiet, even if it means suffering the psychological consequences for a long time. There remains the hope that this film will generate awareness of these collateral victims among adults at home and at school. “When siblings are in the same establishment, the educational teams should offer time to listen to all the brothers and sisters of victims, so that they can share their feelings and be reassured about the capacity of the child. ‘school to manage the problem,’ believes Nicole Catheline in particular.