If this year you have decided to do Dry January – the month of January without alcohol – you have surely noticed the motivation of certain people to make you drink. This social pressure, for abstainers, is all year round.
Whether out of religious conviction, out of taste, because of a painful relationship with drinking, or just because they don’t want to be drunk, people don’t drink. And if in everyday life this can be difficult to cope with, it is even more so during a very particular period of life: student life. In certain courses such as business or engineering schools, open bar evenings and warm-ups are legion. How then can we achieve integration?
“I kept saying no, but they told me ‘we don’t give you a choice’”
Romain, 33, has never liked alcohol. For its taste, already. But also for its effects. “The loss of control really freaks me out.” Unlike others who were nervous at the idea of having wild evenings, when it was time to enter engineering school, Romain was afraid. “I wondered what sauce I was going to be eaten with. »
The young man convinces himself to participate in the first evenings. Evenings with “lots and lots of alcohol”. Accustomed to remarks about his abstinence, he still did not expect such social pressure. “I spent my time saying no to people who wanted to make me drink, but they didn’t listen to me. They filled my glass and told me “we don’t give you a choice”. I felt like I had to fight constantly. »
A self-disclosure
Even today, he questions himself. “Maybe it was a game for them. They said to themselves ‘we’re going to make the shy guy drink, it’ll be fun, he’ll go wild’. Nicolas Palierne, doctor in sociology, confirms: “There is the idea that alcoholism is a revelation of oneself. We will then blame the abstainer for not letting go. We also fear that he will take a lucid look at those who drink alcohol, a look that can be seen as contemptuous. »
To silence the most insistent, Romain sometimes accepted the glass handed to him, took a small sip and drained the liquid once his back was turned. “There is such pressure that some prefer to pretend rather than have to justify themselves,” continues the sociologist. We have much less to justify our consumption than to justify our non-consumption. »
A way to build social capital
“I would be unable to name a single person who didn’t drink in my school except me,” admits Cédric, 38, a former business school student. Maybe there were, but they went unnoticed. » Although he believes that his abstinence never posed a problem for him, he still remembers his first integration weekend during which he finally gave in. “When we have 150 people in a room shouting “drink, drink, drink”, perhaps due to lack of strength, personality and the desire to fit in, we comply. »
A desire to integrate at all costs which can be explained sociologically. “At these ages, the peer group is very important, especially as we move away from the family sphere,” emphasizes Nicolas Palierne. It is also important to understand that in this type of school, being a member of the BDE (students’ office) and participating in evenings is a way of building one’s social capital, which one can then use in one’s professional career. . »
“For them, it was unthinkable that I wouldn’t drink”
Clémentine shared a start of scolarity similar to Romain, in a provincial Science Po where “they drank a lot”. She is notHardly any releases during its first two years. “On the rare evenings I did, I wasn’t super comfortable. I was afraid that someone would force me to drink. For them, it was unthinkable that I wouldn’t drink if it wasn’t for health or religious reasons. »
In her third year, during an exchange in China, she met new people, created a group of friends and discovered the nightlife. “People were more mature, that unblocked me. » Cédric confirms: “We always manage to find people who look like us, we get together and we manage to assert ourselves more. »Parm himOur group of friends, Clémentine and Cédric often had a well-defined (and practical) role: to lead the small group back at the end of the evening.
Non-drinkers capable of “delirious” accepted
For his part, two months after returning to school, Romain finally said stop. “I finally listened to myself, I told myself that it wasn’t in the evening that I was going to meet people and that I would be much better off at home watching a film. » The thirty-year-old admits that during his three years of school, he did not meet many people outside of his classes.
“There are lots of different configurations,” continues Nicolas Palierne. Some people don’t go to parties, others go and leave as soon as people get too drunk, and some manage to fit in and have fun. » A question of personality? Meetings? Probably a bit of both, but not only that. “Non-drinkers reaching to make fun of social conventions, capable of delirium, will be accepted in the evenings”, according to Nicolas Palierne. Cédric is one of them. “I don’t need a deshinibitor to sing, dance and have a good evening. »
Fifteen years later, Cédric keeps a good memory of his student years. “I had a really good time, partying with my friends who are now my best friends. » For his part, Romain is more measured. “Some people regret their student life, I much prefer my current life. » Clémentine insists: “I would like to tell young people like me who know that they do not want to drink not to give in. In school, there are idiots, but there are also plenty of good people with whom you can really get along.stop. » Like everywhere ultimately.