It was exactly what we all needed right now: Like so many others, Micky Beisenherz watched “Die Passion” on RTL last night – and is absolutely thrilled.
“The execution is imminent – right after the ad!”
For a short time, viewers were irritated as to whether they had just strayed onto a Saudi TV station, but no: With these words, Thommy Gottschalk, host of the big RTL Passion Play, kept the viewers on the pole, or rather the wooden cross.
Actually an unnecessary Kobern, because if you stayed tuned up to here, you would certainly not switch anymore. Whether Hornbach was presented as a sponsor in the advertising block by the big celebrity nails is not known. But one thing is certain: It was fantastic. Just fantastic.
With a corona-related delay, the Cologne broadcaster was finally able to stage its version of the Passion of Jesus Christ. Live (at least parts of it) in the city of Essen (it was almost exactly like that in the Bible). I know what you’re thinking now: “If I want to watch a crucifixion on TV, I’ll watch Anne Spiegel’s PK again.”
It was the unifying event we needed. Nothing can shock the newly elicited Thommy Gottschalk, who looks more and more like a supervillain at Marvel. And as an old companion of the great theologian Hans Küng, he can of course freely retell the passion story at three in the morning in slippers, right down to the last three substitutes in the apostle squad.
It became more difficult when it came to casting this live musical event, which is why he had to squint more and more at the teleprompter under his camera after the mention of “Jesus” Alexander Klaws.
“The Passion” with German pop classics
Everything was brought up that was not in three on Llambi’s disco ball in the RTL cosmos: Laith Al-Deen as Peter, Ella Endlich as the Virgin Mary, Mark Keller as Judas, to name just a few. Everyone was literally charging themselves sore, intoning contemporary German pop classics such as Silbermond’s “Symphonie”, “How beautiful you are” or “You remind me of love” while they passionately roamed through the city of Essen.
This sometimes led to scenes of Jesus and his entourage (Petrus Al-Deen, Stefan Mross and Apostelette Anna-Carina Woitschak) singing happily on the bus towards the city center and intoning ” Cheers to us”. A warbled exhilaration that you rarely experience in public transport in the Ruhr area during rush hours.
In between, as a kind of field reporter, Annett Möller, who was switched on again and again to capture the voices of the people who were preparing to carry the 250-kilo LED cross the 3 kilometers from Rüttenscheider Straße to Burgplatz. So you experienced all sorts of drama and awakening experiences from citizens, as if it were just a matter of coming to the recall before planks.
Last supper at the local noble Italian
That was mostly harmless, a bit AstroTVesque and sometimes really uncomfortable when you – probably in exuberant emotion – tried to bake topics like the Ukraine into the loaf of Christ.
“Thomas, we are now leaving the Rüttenscheid gourmet mile.” There’s no Bible like that. Brave Thomas, meanwhile, bravely led the audience through the other items on the program, standing on a kind of illuminated giant phallus: Limbecker Platz shopping center instead of Sea of Galilee.
Last supper at the local noble Italian between balsamic cream and Aperol Spritz. Judas, who betrays his friend Jesus to the police patrol, while the officers ask the biblical Snitch if his friend Jesus can also turn water into tactical beer by any chance.
The German “Cats” film adaptation
And again and again solo singing by Ella Endlich, who had a remarkably large number of performances as the Virgin Mary. But in 2022, even the most famous story in the world needs to be stretched a little to keep it from becoming an all-male story.
The focus on the mother-son story gives the whole thing a slight “Oedipussy” flavor, but here the evening is already the German “Cats” film adaptation anyway.
The procession passes the Kötter confectionery with the illuminated cross. The Passionskapelle, dressed completely in white, plays bravely on the Burgplatz, city festival flair between DSDS decor, the sun has now set over Essen, and darkness does the city very well. More German hits will be smashed.
“Hinterm Horizont” is the best adaptation of a Udo Lindenberg hit since Clemens Tönnies sang “I do my thing” at the company party about his relationship with the Westphalian health authorities. Everyone is taking part: Prince Damien, Samuel Koch, yes, even Gil Ofarim was allowed to be there, and if Jesus can really work miracles, then yesterday he got him a hotel room in Essen.
Henning Baum as Pontius Pilate
Cameos by Reiner Calmund, Nelson Müller and Martin Semmelrogge as the terrorist Barrabas, who is known to have stolen King Herod’s sun loungers from the castle garden. Showdown between Jesus, Peter and Judas at the Zollverein colliery. Savior handing over to the Old Testament pole duck. Mark Keller in the entourage of the SOKO redeemers is in full blown Cobra 11 mode again and breathes through the lines.
He’s so so so throughout the show intense, that one must assume that the Holy Spirit Himself made it pregnant with meaning by a mere touch. Passing Orsay and Pimkie, the procession slowly reaches Castle Square.
It comes to the extreme: Pontius Pilatus Henning Baum, who at the beginning of the show, to applause from the crowd, still skeptically in a C&A suit, looked down at the fully occupied square from the window of a building sin in the 1960s, which is not entirely untypical for Essen, like Christian Lindner at the petrol pumps on Wilhelmstrasse , may now speak injustice on the big stage and condemn Jesus Klaws to death.
For violence there is already the “summer house of the stars”
With the Bible in his hand, he has now arrived performatively between the two great Jürgens, Höller and Fliege. Tree, sign of the zodiac polar bear, sneaks around Jesus Klaws in a frightening way like only Bohlen did at the motto shows in the early 2000s.
Judas Keller sings “through the monsoon” on a scaffold. No one is crucified, yes, not even flogged. The station refrains from drastic scenes or violence. That’s what the “Summer House of the Stars” is for.
At the traditional high mass of the Christian Cancel Culture, songs by Xavier Naidoo are even played – if that’s not lived forgiveness! Thommy Gottschalk has long since been in the Motel One hotel bar in his head and finishes all the cheese on autopilot. He had experienced Heidi’s top model finale and “Gottschalk live” – what’s a crucifixion on RTL.
Actually only Ralf Möller and Harald Glööckler were missing
Does he actually realize that he was always in the right place at the right time when it came to getting us, at least for a short time, off the back of the heavy burden of the news situation by moderating upscale nonsense.
The fab titan satisfies our hunger for exuberance, this deep longing for great nonsense. He is always there when we want to gather around something. Campfire, pyre, burning bush. Whenever we want to warm our hands on something.
And god knows, that was a great show. Actually only Ralf Möller and Harald Glööckler were missing. “The Passion”. But maybe next year.
Compliments to RTL for daring to do that. For real. It was just what we all needed right now. And yes: I sincerely hope that Josef Ratzinger and Co. had to watch every single second of it.