“You are already an apparition.” A sentence that somewhat surprises Mark B. He heard it from his therapist when they talked about how the seat next to him often remains empty on the subway and S-Bahn. It hits Mark B. when no one sits down with him. He doesn’t actually want to be an apparition. He doesn’t want to attract attention when he’s out and about. Especially not when he’s feeling bad. Then he prefers to withdraw and doesn’t want to go out on the street for days. Then he barely moves and knows: That’s exactly what’s not good for me. Such days make him lonely and angry, sometimes so much so that he feels even worse. A vicious circle.
During his therapy period, Mark B. lost 25 kilos. He is proud of that. But things haven’t been going any further for months and he can’t even keep his weight constant. Five kilos down, five kilos up, he says, that’s how it’s been since the summer. His quota of hours with the therapist has expired. The sessions with her gave him support and a framework in the fight against his obesity. “I have obesity,” he says on the phone when they arrange a meeting with him. Three words that are probably intended to warn of his appearance.
“Obesity is not an outward sign of weak will, obesity is a complex, chronic disease for which a variety of factors are responsible,” explains an introductory sentence on the Munich Obesity Clinic website. “Accepting change, getting through the initial period and then maintaining it for a long time is not an easy path,” it continues. And: Therapy there means a significant change in everyday behavior. Mark B. wants change. He no longer wants to eat so much and uncontrollably and reduce his sugar consumption. He only allows himself soft drinks on weekends, he says. And he fasts one day a week, not eating anything for 24 hours. But it can happen again and again that he gets lost in chocolate. He hardly knows hunger, nor the pleasant feeling of fullness. During the worst phases, he ate three giant bars of Milka chocolate in a row. Three times 300 grams. Mark B. is not proud of it. It’s probably a good sign that he can now talk openly about it.
Mark B. has already taken a big step towards a career change. He had to wait a long time for this opportunity; the pandemic got in the way. Since September last year he has been undergoing retraining at the Munich Aidshilfe. In the summer he will be able to call himself an office management clerk. He enjoys being in the office every day and working in a team. He is needed, that is also a good feeling.
Mark B. runs with tapping steps. His body is a burden for him. Sometimes more sometimes less. He says climbing stairs is difficult for him and some days he can’t force himself to do it. That was a mistake, he had to move. The 46-year-old often talks about mistakes in his life.
A gym would be good, but he can’t afford it
He used to be sporty and danced in the tournament club in his hometown of Pforzheim. In a photo next to a dance partner that was taken a little more than 20 years ago, he is a slim young man. He has also trained in taekwondo. “Almost up to black belt.” Mark B’s eyes sparkle with happiness when he talks about sports. He would like to learn salsa and merengue and sway to the beat of Latin American music. Luckily, he had built up muscles earlier, says Mark B. They now support his joints. A gym would be good, but he can’t afford it.
He came to Munich in 2001 to study civil engineering at TUM; after a few semesters he switched to statistics. But he never completed his studies. “I worked too much on the side,” he says. Life in the big city wasn’t that easy for him; friends came and went. There were deaths that weighed on him. “It started with eating in 2003,” says Mark B. Food intake became more and more a part of life – and a problem. He has been living on social welfare for several years. He doesn’t earn anything during his training, but it’s a great opportunity to regain his footing. He would like to take part in social life again and meet new people.
His greatest wish? “Get healthy,” says Mark B. spontaneously. What he would still need would be new clothes – a pair of trousers, for example, or a pair of shoes, he is size 49. A suitable winter jacket for him would also cost a lot of money. And a computer monitor for the vocational school would be great.
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