A case of beer and three-quarters of a bottle of schnapps were just enough when Marion W.’s ex-husband was with her and their daughter over the weekend. He came every few weeks, the rest of the time he lived in another city because of his job. “That was actually no longer possible,” says the 36-year-old today. “But I continued to fight for our marriage, after all we have a daughter together.” The ex-husband reluctantly agreed: at lunchtime only a maximum of two beers, in the evening a maximum of three beers and two schnapps. Nevertheless, he threw things at Marion W. Once it was a beer mug. The daughter was almost always there, while she herself often sat crying in the corner. “Dad, dad, stop, mom is already crying,” the girl then called. After ten years of marriage, the 36-year-old then surrendered, as she says. They broke up. But that’s when it really started.
The separation was now about five years ago. For some time now, Marion W., whose name is actually different, has had a new partner, her childhood sweetheart. He takes care of the 36-year-old’s daughter, meanwhile the girl sees him as a father, her “dad from the heart”. The couple’s child was born in August. Actually, one could say that Marion W. is happy. She is sitting on the sofa in her apartment in the Ebersberg district, her cell phone in front of her – a video call. Cold, prefer not to have personal contact. She waves her cell phone down, the baby is in her arms and looks up at the mother with wide eyes. The 36-year-old turns the cell phone in the other direction, where the daughter is sitting at the table and doing schoolwork.
The divorce dragged on for two years
But happiness and suffering are sometimes close together. The divorce cost Marion W. almost 7,000 euros. Money she didn’t have. The divorce process dragged on for over two years because she paid off the legal fees in installments, and she borrowed part of the money from her uncle. To this day she has not been able to settle her debts to him.
When Marion W. filed for divorce, her ex-husband stopped paying child support. In the meantime he is transferring money again, the legally required minimum maintenance. Because he would earn as little as he tells the authorities. Marion W. has strong doubts – the ex-husband now lives with his parents, rent-free. Shouldn’t there be more money left over for his daughter?
Marion W. cannot make any further efforts to ensure that the daughter gets what she is entitled to. She doesn’t have the money to buy a lawyer or the strength to do that. Neither mother nor daughter are currently in contact with the ex-husband. Maybe that’s better if you consider what the 36-year-old goes on to say: During the divorce, her ex-husband threatened her with death. Multiple. She should be careful that one day he doesn’t wait in front of her house – he has no way of knowing what will happen then. Marion W. was scared, as she says today. Great fear. She filed an injunction.
Then the mother became seriously ill
While the 36-year-old was going through this horror divorce, her mother fell ill. First breast cancer. Then suspected cervical cancer. Later leukemia. And a thrombosis in the eye. “I couldn’t take it any longer.” During this time she hardly slept. Instead, she lay in bed crying. “I was completely drained – there was no one to talk to about it, my daughter and I were alone.”
Long-term care insurance covers most of the costs, but there are occasional uncalculated expenses. If, for example, the uncle, who primarily looks after the mother, cannot drive to the doctor because of his job and orders a taxi, arranges everything in advance with the woman, the practice and the taxi driver – and the woman then has a day on which her confusion and dementia are so great that she just doesn’t get into a taxi. Such an empty trip was charged at 250 euros, as Marion W. says. She is currently unable to contribute financially, although she would like to. She couldn’t even afford a spontaneous trip to see her mother at the moment.
Marion W. wants to go back to work in a few months. The young family cannot afford longer parental leave. Just a few weeks ago, the 36-year-old says, the daughter asked her: “Mom, why are all your things gutted?” The girl was right: Marion W.’s clothes are old and worn. Marion W. doesn’t care. “I want my children not to go wanting for anything – that is the most important thing.” That’s why she hopes to be able to buy a tablet or laptop for her daughter with a donation from the SZ advent calendar. The devices the family owns are so old that the girl could not use them to attend digital school lessons. And loan equipment from the school? “They were all gone,” says Marion W. “There are families who have even fewer than we do.” The daughter uses the 36-year-old’s smartphone for homeschooling.