From the point of view of a S-Bahn user, Munich is a cosmopolitan city with a heart attack. Taking the train from the eastern outskirts to the airport on the first Pentecost morning? An impossibility due to construction work. “No connection available,” said one app, and the other spat out a three-and-a-half-hour nocturnal bus odyssey for 20 kilometers as the crow flies. Zefixhallelujah moments like this happen regularly: spontaneous parents take a taxi so that the child doesn’t miss their homework in the first lesson because of a stuck signal box. Evening “How do I get home now” despair. And soon there will be no need to stop at work. For three months. Expressed in emojis: poo, scream, red-faced swearing.
But hey, these emotional lapses don’t have to be. Take the example of those people who have to deal with such bad news professionally: the people who write the messages for the route agent on Twitter. They are the lila-la-crazy bears of crisis communications.
There are no longer any signal and switch faults in the official S-Bahn narrative, which means “repairing a signal” or “repairing a switch” for some time now, subtext: We’re working on it! A few cheerful pictograms are included for the additional edification of the passengers waiting for the never-ending train. The message “Rail replacement service has been set up” is adorned with an emoji chain made up of a taxi, confetti cannon and party smiley. Dear non-travellers, look at it this way: 200 people fight for a back seat, “Journey to Jerusalem” and “My right, right seat is free” for advanced, that’s better than a children’s birthday party!
Emojis from the Barf & Cry category are not part of the Twitter crew’s repertoire; in the worst case, a few red exclamation marks, stop signs or stick-mouth smileys appear. The message “Repairs on a train” is illustrated with a steam engine, who could be angry with so much self-mockery? An eternity later, the lyricists happily announce: “Repair successful, yay”, thumbs up, biceps, halo, “only minor follow-up delays”, sun. A missed connecting bus, so heartwarming. The walk home is good for body and soul.
It is amazing that the popping champagne cork has not yet been used. Wouldn’t that be a nice tweet: done, all trains are running on the regular route again, cheers and raise your cups, wink, kiss. With the right dose of gallows humor, the cosmopolitan city with a heart attack quickly becomes a cosmopolitan city with hearty eyes.
Nadeschda Scharfenberg regularly despairs of the Munich S-Bahn.