A tidal wave of around 3 kg and around fifty centimeters. When you waited nine months for your baby to arrive, you didn’t always anticipate the daily upheaval that such a small being can bring.
And for young parents who are often exhausted, resuming sexuality after childbirth can be difficult to discuss within the couple. Will the first reports be painful? How to manage a possible drop in desire? Anna Roy, midwife and author of It’s my pregnancy (ed. L’Iconoclaste), provides a set of advice for a self-paced and fulfilling recovery of one’s sexuality.
You support women throughout pregnancy and postpartum. What questions do you ask most about resuming sexuality?
They all ask me questions on the subject. “Will it be like before? Will I regain my desire and my sensations? Am I going to be in pain? Will breastfeeding slow down my libido? »
In reality, unless there is a particular problem, sexuality after birth is the same as before. Apart from fatigue and lack of sleep, lack of privacy if you live in a small space and, of course, possible pain following childbirth. Because women who have pain during intercourse during the postpartum period are a big problem. warning, it’s not in the head. This is a sign of a problem that needs to be addressed. Otherwise, if the pain becomes systematic, the brain associates sexual intercourse with pain, and this creates blockages.
What can cause postpartum intimate pain?
There are many physical and functional causes that can cause pain during penetrative sex. Scars from an episiotomy or cesarean section. We can also experience discomfort linked to perineal fatigue, the pelvic floor muscles, or feel like stretching of nerves that we do not very well identify. Or even suffer from intimate infections such as fungal infections or others.
There is also breastfeeding which, although it has obvious benefits for the health of the infant, slows down the libido and generates vaginal dryness, which can cause pain. Just like hormonal contraception prescribed specifically after childbirth, compatible with breastfeeding.
All this painful context can affect desire, but that doesn’t mean the libido won’t return. You have to give yourself time.
Is there a prescribed waiting period before you can resume sexual activity?
Some health professionals may recommend it, but in the scientific literature, there is no tangible evidence to support this. Whether it is a vaginal delivery or a cesarean section, the only rule to follow in terms of timing is: exactly as women feel and want.
I still have reservations as long as you have stitches in the vulva if you gave birth naturally, or you have staples if you had a cesarean section. It is easy to imagine that young mothers do not necessarily want penetrative sex when the intimate area is particularly sore, if you have had an episiotomy or if you have painful trenches. [des contractions de l’utérus qui l’aident à reprendre sa taille initiale] and lochia [saignements post-accouchement pouvant durer entre 7 jours et 6 semaines].
Are a decrease or disparities in desire within the couple frequently felt?
Yes, and that’s normal: only one in two couples have resumed a sexual life three months after giving birth. You have to find your rhythm, understand and respect that your partner may have less desire. Mothers immediately regain their libido, and co-parents don’t want to because they are exhausted: fatigue is the first obstacle to libido.
In any case, if sexuality is a source of problems, we must not allow frustration and tensions to accumulate, which can lead to adulterous behavior or separation. Hence the importance of telling the other person if you no longer have desire or if you have pain. And if necessary, go see a third party: a sexologist, a midwife or a specialized gynecologist. In addition, to manage possible frustrations, masturbation is very effective!
What do you advise women who report a lack of sensations and pleasure when resuming sexuality after a natural birth?
On the one hand, autoeroticism: masturbation allows you to reclaim your body, to reassure yourself about your ability to have pleasure, to return to a sexuality as a couple. Often, women tell themselves that everything is distorted down there, that they will never find their sensations again, when not at all!
Furthermore, perineal rehabilitation really works miracles: not only do women regain their sensations, but many of them end up having a perineum ten times more toned than before having children, and are thus more fulfilled. in their intimate lives.
In the event of rapid resumption of sexuality, what precautions should be taken regarding contraception? You can get pregnant again very quickly after giving birth, right? *
Many mothers believe that breastfeeding has a contraceptive effect, but it does not protect against pregnancy. As proof, a mother I was following had four boys in one year: she had a first son whom she breastfed, and had a return of diapers during her breastfeeding. And nine months later, she had triplets!
Natural contraceptive methods are on the rise, but they are unreliable and not recommended in the immediate postpartum period, when cycles are not regular and we therefore cannot know when we ovulate.
So it’s up to each person to choose their type of contraception: taking the pill again 21 days after giving birth, or inserting an IUD after 6 weeks. And many people prefer condoms at first.
And do you have any advice for co-parents?
“Do your part!” » When a woman on maternity leave has spent her day cleaning and taking care of a child, she is at the end of her rope and has not taken care of herself for a second, that’s enough. attack the libido! The co-parent, who has returned to work, can get some fresh air, daydream, and have some brain time available to think about sex.
It is therefore obvious, beyond sexuality, that the co-parent takes his share of the responsibility for running the home. This is not about personal development advice, but about protecting the mental and physical health of patients, to prevent postpartum depression and other disorders that women may experience during this period.