About style in politics: “The things that are suddenly allowed to be said. You’re told at school that you can’t say that and you can’t say that, be polite! And then you come along. Hubert, I quote: Open asses, idiots and people have to go to a psychiatrist. Some people call it closeness to the people, I would rather say that you have a verbal mess together.”
About Prime Minister Söder: “When my father is at the regulars’ table after 10 a.m. and he’s making a nonsense like Markus does on Ash Wednesday after a shot of Diet Coke, the front door key isn’t under the mat after midnight. He’ll sleep in the calf box for a week.”
About Free Voters leader Aiwanger: “Hubert, you have mutated into a political wood splitter. Because foresters and firewood stokers know: split wood is better for lighting. Hubert, if a healthy, grown trunk remains a healthy, grown trunk, then there is no room for a bark beetle like you in between.”
About diversity in the Free State: “Bayern remains Bavaria. Before we change, Schuhbeck will do an internship at the tax office.”
About Aiwanger: “You can only hit it from above. Except Hubert, who renounces these physical laws. Hubert says he’s one from below, but he still hits it from above. Hubert, such a contortion of character only controls an invertebrate existence like that you.”
About the Greens: “The Nockherberg is a safe space for conservatives. No danger, highest security level. (…) We have searched the Greens except for the vegan Unterbuchs, they have nothing with them, no paint bags, no grass, no good poll numbers.”
About Bavaria’s Green Party leader: “Katha Schulze, she sits there like a decapitated lily of the valley. Maya the Bee burnout. Disthorned.”
About the new government in Bavaria: “This magic when Söder presents the cabinet. Like before in the Augsburger Puppenkiste, when the wooden doors open and you briefly have the illusion: Wow, the dolls have a life of their own. But then you look closely and see the threads. (. ..) If the CSU cabinet is the puppet box, then Hubert is the puppet without strings. That everyone is afraid of. Hubert Chucky Aiwanger. Or Markus Söder’s personal horror film.”
About Health Minister Holetschek: “Holetschek’s actionism is not the gestures of a proud bull, it is more like the leaps in the air of a dairy calf that knows that if it puts on too much muscle, the shuttle bus will come to Vinzenzmurr. Then you are turned around by the wolf until all corners, Edges and character cartilage give way to a spreadable mass. Some are vacuum packed in this state for later use. (…) Markus doesn’t like it chunky, but finely spreadable.”
About Söder: “Always keep all options open, Markus. Except in coalition issues. Markus exemplifies Christian values, political monogamy.”
About Munich’s mayor: “Dieter, I missed you too, your Gschau. That equestrian look, the way you look when you’re the only passenger shown in full screen on the BR for longer than three seconds.”
About the political discourse in the country: “To the right of me is the old CSU sleeper chair bus and to the left is an electric bus in which the battery sometimes fails and about which it is said in internet forums that you get a strong electrostatic charge when you ride along, that you defibrillate a relative the next time you hug. Then I’d rather take the diesel bus and accept that the bus driver will text me in a reactionary manner.”
About Söder’s relationship with Aiwanger: “If the State Chancellery were a tavern, what would you do before someone’s intoxication caused the mood to change? You play a bouncer. But Markus didn’t dare play the bouncer.”
About protest in Bavaria: “The boys who stick themselves to the streets for the climate are flexed out of the ground and locked up with a scrap of A9 on their wrist. But a tractor is as untouchable on Bavarian roads as a cow in a 30 zone in Calcutta.”
About politicians vying for votes: “If this continues, Hubert will be lounging around on the hood of the Fendt implement carrier for the young farmers’ calendar. And the fact that the Greens are now laughing so much shows me that you don’t know that a Fendt implement carrier doesn’t have a hood.”
About the parties: “Hubert is the political self-made man. A certain sharpness, but it often leads to blindness. The Greens are happy about that. But you are the smoothie in this parable. It used to be in, but too expensive in the long run.”
About education policy: “You should value people who want to become teachers, instead of sending them across the country like a poorly stamped DHL package and holding out the promise of civil service to them like a shriveled carrot to a donkey.”
About the coalition in Berlin: “Dear traffic light, you look incredibly clumsy. Put together incorrectly. Like a Fiat Multipla. (…) There can be three people in the driver’s cab, but you don’t notice that it looks completely stupid from the outside. Above all, it requires a lot of skill “When one person shifts gears, another engages the clutch and when the only one with a driver’s license turns the ignition key and then lies down in the back to sleep.”
About the politics of the CSU, Free Voters and the Greens: Markus, Hubert, the people out there are further along than you think. Not as far as you think, Katha. But somewhere between you.
About the AfD: “A heat pump can extract heat from the cold. This is a basic principle that can save us these days. Because it means that there is still heat in the cold. In a figurative sense, this means that there is still love in the AfD electorate. “