April 12, day 48
I was sad this morning. When I woke up my legs felt so heavy. At home, my cat often sleeps on my legs. And I thought: Hooray, I’m home! Alice is here! Then I opened my eyes. It was just the duvet. I tried to make myself aware that life here is not bad. But the thought keeps slipping forward: I want to go home. I really want to go home to Mykolaivka.
I’ve decided not to go out today. All day long. Not in the mood for anything. Even when my mom called me, I didn’t respond. But when she said she had a video of our cats, I got to her in a second. Uncle Dima – one of the ones who takes care of our cats – looked reasonably happy. Just like the cats. They purred loudly. I laugh and cry at the same time.
April 13, day 49
A rocket attack in Kyiv, this time it hit the neighborhood where my brother Nazar lives. He says his house really shook up. He was hiding in the bathroom.
Many people have already returned to Kyiv. They try to lead a normal life there: they go to work, clean up the streets, even the subway has started running again. The calm in everyday life, no explosions – all this has led to a new zest. Nazar works a lot but sleeps little.
It comforts me that he says he is happy. I can’t really answer the question of whether I like it here. Probably yes – there are wonderful people and wonderful cities here – and I always wanted to go to Germany, but not under such circumstances! I will definitely come back here again. There are so many people here now that I want to see again. Thomas and his family are like family to me now. I wish even more that my new German friends would visit me in Ukraine and see my beautiful country.
April 16, day 52
Yesterday I met a Ukrainian family. We hit it off right away and decided to do a Ukraine Day in Bautzen: with borscht, ie stew, and vareniki, dumplings with potato quark filling. We play our music and tell people about Ukraine.
Tonight I had this dream again: I’m at home and not only my family is sitting at the table with me, but also all my new friends. Also the ones from Germany. And we sit, eat, talk and have fun. And this time: no rocket whistles, no sirens, no bombs. But the way it used to be. Is that a sign that I’m happy here?
April 18, day 54
Bad news again today. As I walked from the bathroom to the room, still sleepy, I heard my mother from the living room: “Albina, our village Mykolaivka was hit. Two rockets.” My mother said it in the same tone as she did on February 24th, day one of the war. “Wake up, explosions!” Now all the good resolutions are gone and there’s war in my head. Always war. I walk around town and cry.
April 21, day 57
This is just my last entry. I am very happy that I was able to tell you – not only how it is in Ukraine, but also how we Ukrainians are doing here in Germany. This is very important to me. Thank you, dear Germans, for everything you do for us. Thanks!