Armin Laschet prevented a CDU leader Friedrich Merz and managed to get Markus Söder out of the way as a candidate for chancellor. You can say thank you for that, thinks Micky Beisenherz.
Domino Day in the heart of Europe. Everyone is resigning from office, only one has decided to slowly bleach out. The Aachener with the built-in coaster brake. But slowly a little more leniency comes into consideration of the brave candidate. Within a few hours, the man mutated from the reactionary coal mining Satan to Jeanne D’Arc of the merciless political enterprise. Spoiler: It is not both.
The fact that parts of those who have publicly insulted the man below the sock line for weeks and months now honor him as “people and decent campaigners” only testifies to the total shit irrelevance of all positions or alleged attitudes in the time before. Maybe it’s also because of the guppy-like memory of the observer, who knows.
It’s time to say thank you. Thank you, Armin Laschet. It wasn’t that long ago that the outcome of the election seemed completely clear. The government would become a black and green one. Sure, there was Annalena Baerbock and her great polls, that one star and others cheered and rejoiced at the revolutionary spirit and the population’s fabulous will to change, alone: Germans value revolutions as much as experimental “crime scene” scripts.
In addition, some people would notice until the ballot box that this green conversion would be a bit more expensive, and then there was not that much flood. The CDU knew that too, of course. The only problem they had was that the authenticity actor Söder had the significantly better poll numbers from the always uncomfortably drunk sister CSU. But it is difficult to give the chairman of the little sister party so much power. In the end, someone would take up a room as if the rubber boat suddenly inflated itself in the driver’s cab of the Golf 3 on the journey to Lake Maggiore.
In the end, the CDU always wins – or does it?
Everyone agreed: At the Union you could have chosen a bathroom trash can as a candidate – in the end, the CDU always wins. So Bouffier and Schäuble pushed Armin Laschet through after a long night and thus saved the party. Many people probably see it differently today. Such a bucket, however, usually stands quite firmly on the floor and does not tend to fall over spontaneously. The election campaign should continue what had basically already started in spring 2020.
This candidate, who was as angular as a toast for a three-year-old, stumbled through a campaign that began as stake-sitting and ended in a slapstick parade. In the end, every day was Ash Wednesday for the jovial Aachener – and he was always the nubble.
In this unfortunate mélange of complete advice impregnation, Rhenish camellariness and subsequent total tension, soliciting the favor of the population became grotesque. If Markus Lanz was needed at the beginning, in the end even the perfidious questioning technique of nine-year-old children was enough to journalistically strike down the stumbling Laschet. Yes, of course, it can be described as sad that all these lapses from Laschet (and, to a clear degree, Baerbock) prevented a serious discussion of political issues.
We are all deeply saddened because we would have loved to talk more about emissions trading, cum-ex or pension reforms, of course. On the other hand: Aren’t we also the nation that looks lasciviously, almost droolingly, “wanted daughter-in-law”, binged the “summer house” and also dragged the most private things into the public for digital negotiation?
We love the drama and warm our hands on it. The campfire of the vanities. We consider ourselves so incredibly civilized, but didn’t this orgy of banalities, this show of failure, not exactly satisfy our lower instincts? Isn’t it also tragicomic that the final counterattack against the climate catastrophe threatens to fail in the end because of a carelessly cobbled together book about this very idea?
It is a grotesque punchline that with the Vulcan Olaf Scholz, of all people, the savior becomes the person who could hardly have hoped for a victory in any other election campaign because of his android character. And what happened between the reliably bertivogting chancellor candidate and his Nuremberg shadow, Markus Feldenkirchen could probably have made at least a trilogy out of it.
At first Laschet was out of luck, and then Söder came along
At first he was out of luck, and then Söder came along too. Twelve rainforest football fields would have to be cleared just for the stick that CSU boss Laschet has got between his legs. An ego show the size of Bavaria. With this toxic relationship, you could fill three summer houses on your own. It has long been more “GZSZ” than CDU / CSU. What is Jo Gerner against the imaginary Franconian?
Wouldn’t it be so tragic, the “Tagesschau” contributions would have to be underlaid with the theme of “curb your enthusiasm”. While the now pathetic Aachener still hopes publicly in Jamaica in order to bypass his retirement, the Bavarian counterpart has officially canceled it. The thrown lifebuoy, it’s an old car tire. It couldn’t be better written.
Even the most experienced in trash could overeat this reality show in terms of performance. The power man, literally drawn to pain. Power is looking for Au. And yet, the Union chairman deserves sincere thanks. With his courageous appearances and Papa’s magical miner’s mark, he initially prevented a CDU boss Friedrich Merz (at least the last of the four following attempts) and saved us from being beamed back to 1994.
With Markus Söder, he had managed to get a chancellor candidate out of the way, who with his used car dealer charm had charmed large parts of the population. Above all, we have been spared someone who, in these days of sweeping up the scraps, clearly signs again, what a spineless, devious and – important! – zero team-minded head of government we would have got.
In the end, the critically contourless man made the traffic light possible through his way of wanting to take everyone with him and ultimately losing everyone. In this respect, he can justifiably claim to be the initiator of a future coalition. And there you can also show yourself sincerely. Thank you, Armin.