You probably don’t remember it. But before you were born, when relatives, onlookers or colleagues surrounded your mother, they all had the same question on their lips: “So, is it a girl or a boy?” » Before you even took your first breath, your gender was at the heart of every discussion. Because the answer conditions the way adults see you. It is said to be fueled by advertisements, uninhibited on social networks, reinforced at work… Sexism, however, begins well before your first commercial break accompanied by a brioche and hot chocolate.
But while France is experiencing its very first national day against sexism, could it in fact find its roots within families? This is in any case partially the analysis of the High Council for Equality between Women and Men (HCE), which ensures that the “virus of sexism” is “inoculated from a very young age”. In its annual report, the body designates the family as one of the “incubators” of sexism, along with school and the Internet.
Between girls and boys, “differentiated education”
“From birth, there is this assignment to a given sex. It is normal because there are obvious biological differences but it immediately leads to binary behaviors. And it is this transition from differentiated biology to differentiated education and social roles which is the key to the problem,” analyzes Brigitte Grésy, former president of the High Council for Equality between Women and Men.
The parents, sometimes even before the child is born, project themselves in a differentiated way. Many pregnancy books continue to spread sexist clichés. “Already in the maternity ward, the way midwives give advice to the mother differs depending on whether it is a girl or a boy,” notes Violette Kerleaux, social psychologist specializing in gender inequalities. gender, sexism and sexual violence. And the situation does not get better after that.
“Nothing like a woman to do housework”
“Studies show that in a number of societies, baby girls are left to cry longer because they are considered to be fussing, while a baby boy is immediately taken in because it is assumed that if he cries , it’s serious,” explains Brigitte Grésy. Subsequently, the distribution of tasks crystallizes according to the gender of the child. “Nothing like a woman to do housework”, as said Valérie Pécresse in 2015 ?
“In social psychology, we clearly see that mothers unconsciously give more injunctions to little girls about housework. I observed this with my two younger brothers, I was always asked for more household chores. It’s unconscious, but obvious,” emphasizes Violette Kerleaux. A look at the home shared by a majority of women. 70% of them believe they have received different treatment than their brothers in family life, according to the HCE report.
More roses but less pocket money
“There are a few families where they say “I raise my son and my daughter in the same way”, particularly in all aspects of household roles, but it is not that common,” emphasizes Brigitte Grésy. And good intentions often crumble in contact with everyday life. Thus, only 37% of men consider it problematic that a woman cooks every day for the whole family, according to the HCE report. Even more worrying, 15% of men aged 25 to 34 consider it normal for a man not to do household chores if he earns more than his partner.
Therefore, it is not surprising that “totally egalitarian couples [soient] extremely rare.” However, children “learn life through mimicry”, recalls Brigitte Grésy. And through play, in a world where toys continue to be extremely gendered. “The new generation does it less but the older generation continues to inoculate sexism through toys,” adds Violette Kerleaux. According to the HCE, only 3% of the men surveyed received dolls as children and 4% of women received toy cars.
According to a study published in 2023, boys also receive more pocket money than girls, on average 44 euros compared to 38. “We can examine every moment of family life and we will see that the way girls and the boys are accompanied, managed, educated is not the same”, regrets Brigitte Grésy who adds however that “the family is not a closed place and [que] all external interactions also reinforce these stereotypes.” Because, as Violette Kerleaux summarizes, “deep down, it doesn’t start at home but everywhere. »