It was five years ago. A shock wave. On October 15, 2017, American actress Alyssa Milano posted a message inviting women victims of sexual harassment to testify on Twitter using the hashtag #MeToo. This was followed by a freedom of speech for women victims of sexual violence or harassment. A societal movement so strong that it has contributed to redefining the relationship between men and women.
First, by making men aware of the frequency of sexist and sexual violence suffered by many women, including those around them. Like Yanis, who responded to our call for witnesses: “This movement has clearly opened the eyes of many people who are unaware of practices that could be inappropriate… Which leads me to think that hours of training on the consent should necessarily be given to the 6th and 5th. »
“I feel total guilt for being a man”
This movement has thus led many men to revisit their past and to question the behaviors they may have had vis-à-vis the opposite sex, explains Christine Castelain-Meunier, sociologist specializing in men at the CNRS: “ Before, they justified certain aggressive or inappropriate behaviors by advancing what they thought were good reasons. But #MeToo allowed them to deconstruct certain gender stereotypes and the model of masculinity with which they had forged themselves. They have taken a step back from themselves, define themselves more as sensitive whereas before, this was considered an anti-virile qualifier. “A questioning that Jean-Pierre experienced:” Since #MeToo, I feel total guilt for being a man. I don’t think I ever abused my girlfriend, but I have my doubts. I tell myself that if the relations between men and women, that’s it, it’s not worth it. »
This exercise in introspection has sometimes led to a change in behavior in some people. Especially when they want to seduce a woman: “They take more precautions, more attention not to behave inappropriately, are more attentive to weak signals, such as a woman’s lack of reaction to them. Whereas before, they thought that as long as a no was not formulated, it was equivalent to a yes”, analyzes Christine Castelain-Meunier.
“They feel a sense of floating”
Some single men sometimes say they are confused by this new situation, like Sébastien: “I have always been very shy with women and respectful to the maximum. But since #MeToo, I’m afraid of doing wrong, that they will feel attacked if I accost them or if I start a discussion” Another of our readers also prefers to distance himself from the opposite sex: “I don’t I didn’t really consider it concerned, but now one can be accused for a misinterpreted attitude. I therefore remain neutral as soon as I am in the presence of a woman. I don’t kiss anymore, never put a hand on my shoulder again. “An apprehension that Christine Castelain-Meunier deciphers:” They feel a sense of hesitation, because they have not yet integrated the new models of masculinity. »
For some men in relationships, #MeToo has also generated new behaviors. Especially among the youngest, who distance themselves from the paternal model, in sexuality as in domestic life. “During sex, they are more concerned with the reactions of their partner, with their satisfaction. And the #MeToo movement being part of the search for gender equality, some no longer consider themselves as caregivers at home, able to lighten the mental load of their wives, but as full partners. observes Christine Castelain-Meunier.
A defensive attitude in some men
If the mentalities of some have changed, the trend is not global. And some men feel like they’re paying for others and remain puzzled by #MeToo. Like Kevin: “It’s starting to go a little too far. Should the first kisses during trysts be announced, in order to ensure the consent of the other? Should we have a certificate of consent signed before having sex with our partner? Without that, what certainty, whether you’re a woman or a man, that it won’t turn against you a few months later after the end of a relationship? he wonders.
A type of reaction that Christine Castelain-Meunier often observes: “Some feel an injustice because they have the impression of being wrongly accused. Others adopt a defensive attitude because they feel deprived of their pedestal and feel a form of nostalgia with regard to the patriarchy. The latter will turn to women who walk in their macho culture, and there are still many of them, ”underlines the sociologist.
It remains to be seen if the repercussions of #MeToo will continue to be felt, and if some men with a defensive attitude will end up watering down their wine. Christine Castelain-Meunier wants to be optimistic. “This trend goes in the direction of history, with the rise of an egalitarian culture, respect for others and self-esteem. »