Beware of turbulence in the Murat lounge. In addition to the dazzling egos of the new and old members of the government, their love lives also risk shaking the walls in the Council of Ministers. Gabriel Attal has in fact appointed Stéphane Séjourné to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. The Prime Minister was in a civil partnership with his new head of French diplomacy, before their separation two years ago, confirmed by 20 minutes. Which raises the question of the difficulties of working with an ex, especially when the two people have a subordinate relationship.
“It’s very hot”, sums it up 20 minutes Raphaëlle de Foucauld, couples therapist. “‘No zob in job’, that’s my mantra,” assures Marion, for her part, since she was thrown thirteen years ago by her ex on the steps of their club, early in the morning on her way to the work. Breaking up at the office is the risk you take when you fall into the arms of a colleague. A risk taken by 75% of those questioned to a survey conducted by Live Career and who declare having already had a romantic relationship with a colleague. And most relationships don’t last a lifetime. So a breakup quickly happened and with it, all the animosity that it could bring into the open space or in the canteen queue.
Communicatus, communicatis, communcatunt
It all depends on the breakup in question. If it comes from a common decision, if the two people are at peace with each other, the professional relationship could be spared, or even develop into a relationship of friendship and trust. But otherwise, when there is “resentment, anger, betrayal, resentment that persist, tensions can make daily life very complicated”, establishes Amandine Ruas, professional and life coach.
Communication, the basis of any healthy and balanced relationship, is in this case once again the key to avoiding throwing pens in each other’s faces. “We need to talk about it to see how to work better together, express what is left unsaid and above all have a space for expression outside the professional space,” advises Amandine Ruas.
Impossible distance
When this is impossible, when one or both people refuse dialogue, distancing will become the only solution. Avoid each other as much as possible, encourage teleworking. Sometimes it’s impossible. “From the first day, we had to go the whole day without meeting him. A failure, knowing that we had joint meetings in the morning and at the beginning of the afternoon and that the department in which I worked worked closely with its own”, recalls Marion for whom it was “the “Koh-Lanta “avoidance for months”. “Continuing to cross paths is complicated. In addition, we are in a company where we have a real social environment, we see each other outside, we play sports together… I have withdrawn from the company where I work, it has been difficult,” also tells Jean (the first name has been changed).
Because the main difficulty in this case is seeing the person every day. In addition to the bad understanding, this delays the grieving process of the relationship. “It is important to cut ties, to avoid seeing the person because we have a history, memories in common and we must close this chapter to allow ourselves to build a daily life without the other,” explains Raphaëlle de Foucauld. Furthermore, in an already restrictive environment, meeting your ex at work “can add heaviness, stress and distract the employee subjected to painful emotions”, underlines Amandine Ruas.
The production of the employees concerned may also be affected and therefore that of the company. When the future of the company comes into play, when “the functioning is parasitized by emotion”, the hierarchy can take forced distancing measures, “such as promotion, transfer, dismissal”, lists Philippe Zawieja, researcher at the Observatory on health and well-being at work (Osmet) and psychosociologist (Almagora firm).
Hell is other people
If the relationship was known to everyone, we quickly become the main subject at the coffee machine. Perhaps the ministers will have other fish to fry but in Marion’s company, it had become “Angelina against Jennifer”, she says in reference to the opposition long made by fans between Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston, two exes of Brad Pitt. “Colleagues wore t-shirts, ‘I support Marion’ or ‘I support Alfred’.
Colleagues also risk being collateral victims of arguments. If they can manage to avoid gum throwing in the open office, they could find themselves in a heated argument in the workplace. “This has a deleterious effect on the atmosphere at work and it adds stress to coming to work in the morning,” confirms Philippe Zawieja, knowing that “the bad atmosphere, a bad working climate are factors of suffering at work”.
Subordination: admiration or distrust
As is the case for our dear ministers, the hierarchical link will further complicate things. It is particularly difficult to “follow the directives of someone for whom we have no respect or we feel anger or if we know their vulnerability, this can discredit the person in their position as a manager », Develops Amandine Ruas. This is what happened to Marion who remembers “post-breakup remarks that hurt.” He attacked me on my professional skills by recounting false details about my sex life to his colleagues. It became even worse when I had new functions in the company.” But conversely, if the former spouses left on good terms, “you can find legitimacy in the position occupied by your ex,” adds our expert.
On the other hand, “the one who has hierarchical ascendancy over the other is potentially at fault, especially since this can lead to phenomena of negative discrimination, or even potential harassment”, also warns Philippe Zawieja. In general, even if they are “extremely ethically questionable and without any legal support, prevention approaches are favored,” he explains. Hoping that Emmanuel Macron has sent the message to his troops before the formation of the new government.