When the start of the summer or school holidays arrives, it’s often a hassle for single mothers who have to manage the children, the suitcases, the food, the journey… a bit of everything in the end. A feeling of frustration can arise: for those who feel they have not enjoyed their holidays enough or those who feel they have not been up to it. Shelley Greiver, author of the novel The road to happiness is strewn with pebbles (and dog poo), give to 20 minutesa few tips to put an end to the guilt and enjoy your holidays with your children in a healthy way.
No longer questioning your role as a mother
First step to get there: relativize. Yes, the stay will certainly not be perfect. But no, it won’t always be your fault either. With children, nothing is 100% predictable, even when you have taken care to prepare everything. “Leaving alone with your children is objectively difficult, you have to stop feeling guilty,” insists Shelley Greiver. It is therefore necessary to stop blaming or accusing yourself for the arguments between children during the trip, the remarks of one who did not appreciate the activities, and the whims of another on the beach. . You have to understand that it is not “we (the mothers, editor’s note) who are in question” and that it can happen “to enjoy only 5 minutes from the beach over 3 hours”, recalls the author.
To take this step, Shelley Greiver suggests completing “a gratitude list”. It allows you to put things into perspective at the end of the day and to “not rehash the bad times but relive the good ones”.
Agree to make life easier from time to time
Heating pizza instead of making dinner when you’re tired, giving lollies or a tablet during the trip to calm the crying can help save yourself stress. But be careful, you have to succeed in doing it “without a bad conscience”. You’re “a human, not a robot,” so there’s nothing wrong with making it easy for yourself sometimes. Little nudges won’t make you a less good mom. Shelley Greiver also warns: “It’s no use comparing yourself to other moms, maybe they have help from a grandmother and you don’t know anything about it”.
Don’t hesitate to unload yourself for the big outings to the beach or to the amusement parks for example. “We know that it is complicated to go there alone with several children. We bring with us a teenager or a friend who can help us. It’s a significant extra pair of eyes and arms, ”advises the writer.
Consult your children before the holidays
With several children of different ages, the desires will not be the same, already between them and perhaps even less with you. It is better to discuss together beforehand, in order to take into account their expectations because it is also their vacation. “I don’t know many children who have the patience to spend more than an hour in a museum, or who are interested in archeology or the history of a 17th century church,” says Shelley Greiver. “Our teenagers will want to spend time in front of a screen or with other young people, it’s normal, there’s no point in fighting with them about it. It is also their vacation, ”she continues.
It is not a question of renouncing the activities which make you happy, but rather of listening to those which will please your children more and agreeing (or not) on these. And if you really want to visit the museum, you can limit the time you spend there, even if it means “promising an ice cream to keep them waiting”.
Give yourself permission to take time for yourself
Prohibition to forget! It’s also your vacation, you have to find time for yourself no matter what. “It may go through asking a friend or a grandmother for help, paying the neighbour’s daughter to baby-sit during the day”, suggests the author before continuing “You have need to relax! »
Among the activities she suggests in her novel, there are: slow meditation, the practice of a physical activity, walking or even a nap to rest.
Live in the moment
Phrase certainly a bit cliché, but essential to remember. Despite the tiring and long days, Shelley Greiver suggests avoiding mental complaining and instead appreciating the quality time. “Understand that this moment will not happen again and therefore you have to fully experience the laughter, the hugs, the games, the discussions”, she recalls before concluding: “these moments of love, joy, happiness , even if they are not numerous, justify all the difficulties one has to go through to obtain them”.