Dating trend cushioning: Why foreign flirts damage the relationship

Dating trend cushioning
Sex expert explains why flirting with strangers is tempting, but makes you lonely in the long run

Securing the main relationship with side flirting is a trend that protects against injuries. In a pinch, you always have a flirting reserve. But in the long run, so-called cushioning prevents real love, warns sex expert Tracey Cox.

After ghosting comes the next dating trend: cushioning. Cushion (cushion), that sounds cuddly, but cushioning has more to do with “playing it safe”. In the stock market world, you buy derivatives to protect yourself from crashes. Cushioning pursues the same goal, it is intended to offer a quick chance of consolation when the great love falls apart.

In addition to the main relationship, a man or woman has other irons in the fire. They don’t have to glow red, but they want to be kept so warm that they can be brought up to temperature if necessary. Some trends have only been around since the days of the internet, but “cushioning” is a classic of the non-culture of relationships.

Cushioning as a strategy to start with

British sex expert Tracey Cox thinks a little cushioning is a smart idea early in a relationship, but warns not to miss the jump. Her friend Kelly is newly in love, writes Cox, and is doing everything to turn it into a serious relationship. At the same time, she continues to flirt with three reserve lovers on the Internet. “I’ve been hurt in the past and I don’t want to be alone all of a sudden,” she explains. “If this relationship doesn’t work out, at least I’ll have my back.” That sounds logical, but also conveys little of the “head over heels” feeling. Kelly is also aware that cushioning definitely means dynamite for her first love choice. Cox does understand that basic human instinct to protect and guard against potential harm…

Brake for too stormy

She believes there are actually some benefits to cushioning early in relationships. Cushioning, for example, helps people who fall in love quickly and irrevocably. “If you tend to commit way too early and end up getting hurt, cushioning can be a sensible trick.” Having more people around protects you from becoming obsessed with a new love. She tells of a man who otherwise quickly became overly possessive and clingy. It was only when he continued to flirt with other women that he managed to put the brakes on the relationship. This allowed him to take things slower without scaring his new partner. “If relatively harmless flirting with other people helps to slow you down in the beginning, maybe it’s not such a bad thing to cushion yourself,” says Cox.

Protection from toxic relationships

Second point: Cushioning helps people who tend to fall in love with the wrong people, people who treat them badly. A small fan club helps to look at things with a clear view. And eventually realizing that the person who initially appeared to be the love of your life is actually just a big failure. When the “pillows” are treating you better than your first choice, it’s time to reassess your toxic choice.

time for the cut

But while cushioning flirtation is useful early in a relationship, there comes a time when a clean cut needs to be made, Cox writes. Anyone who keeps caring for their secondary partners will hardly get involved with anyone else. According to Cox, whoever is on the brink as the relationship develops will not give the relationship a chance. The cushioning flirts aren’t just a constant temptation. “They also keep you from confronting problems in their relationship.” She fears that people who pad themselves are always looking for “the perfect relationship”: a relationship that doesn’t actually exist. “‘If only I could find someone as reliable as John, as hot as Jason and as rich as Richard,’ they think. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find all of these attractive qualities in one person!” Cox said But there isn’t, but the cushioning parade fuels that illusion.

Love Explosives

There are also very practical problems. The actual partner will have an allergic reaction to the cushioning collection when they see it. So love starts with a bunch of little lies to cover up the cushioning flirtation. Sex expert Cox warns that even before the relationship has been declared exclusive, there will be difficulties. You shouldn’t convince yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong formally. “Don’t tell yourself that when your partner finds out about your little secret, that’s how you’ll feel about it.” This also applies if he only discovers it in the future. Cox warns that if your partner later realizes that they continued to flirt with you when they introduced you to their parents, a wonderful relationship can end immediately.

No heart for the pillow flirts

Second partners also have little understanding for cushioning when they realize the role they play in it. As long as it’s a non-committal game in which the other person invests little real emotion, Cox has no objections. “But sometimes you stall someone who has deep, genuine feelings for you.” A real dating crime. And there’s a nice word for that, too: “breadcrumbing”. Small chunks are meant to give hope to the whole tidbit with no intention of ever fulfilling the promise.

Source. Tracy Cox

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