Don’t we run the risk of greatly disappointing children by telling them the typical Christmas nonsense? The moment they discover that the old bearded man doesn’t exist, won’t they feel a little wronged or even betrayed? Not all psychologists specializing in child development agree on the behavior to adopt in this area.
Some people, particularly Anglo-Saxons, think that children should never be lied to, even for these collective social fabrications, because this can weaken the trust established between parents and children. For his part, Grégory Michel, professor of psychopathology and court psychologist in Bordeaux, believes that this is a “slightly exaggerated” posture. With the right timing and support, stories about Santa Claus can even help children grow. Phew! The magic of Christmas is therefore not to be absolutely avoided… We’ll explain why.
A need for the marvelous, shared with others
“Children are in a world of fantasy until 6-7 years old, and in particular from 3 to 5 years old,” points out Professor Grégory Michel. These stories are a way of nourishing their imagination by relying on the marvelous, it is important to them. » The interest of this story based on sleighs, reindeer and gifts is also that it is shared within society and primarily by other toddlers. “There is a connection with others and this creates belonging,” underlines the specialist. It is thus a belief which allows us to feel good, to partially escape from reality but “while sharing things with others”, insists the professor.
The other great interest of the Christmas fable is that it helps to grow in the sense that it is on their own that the child will understand little by little, over the years, that several details are wrong. The beard of the disguised uncle is no longer very convincing, the route of transporting the gifts by sleigh in the sky seems improbable and the remarks of friends can also put a flea in the ear. If the direct relationship with reality can be too brutal for the youngest, this experience around the magic of Christmas can also play a transitional role to “learn that magic can also be in reality”, slips Grégory Michel. The challenge for parents is to properly support this development, by listening to the child’s needs.
Above all, do not counter doubts
The mistake to avoid is to redouble your efforts and strategies when he begins to express doubts about the existence of Santa Claus. “We must not feed this lie which would then serve to keep him in the infantile world,” warns the psychologist, “but rather teach him to deal with reality, and therefore with disappointment and frustration. » Very concretely, when he starts to ask questions, you need to ask him for his opinion to make him active in this research and use the conditional for example to discuss the subject. Parents who persist a little too long with the magic of Christmas will also have every interest in asking themselves why they hold on to it (nostalgia? commercialism? compensation?)
In any case, we must help the child to free himself from this myth and not keep him there for as long as possible because this also risks “creating an internal conflict between what he will perceive on the outside, at school, and what parents will send back to him. At that point, lying becomes problematic if he doubts his parents and trust can be lost.” The whole point of supporting the child in his development is thatultimately he does not remain in this imagination, which would then be a pathological turn. If, well beyond the age of eight, the child clings to the Christmas myth at all costs, and it lasts and also extends to other areas, “we must then ask ourselves why he has it. need,” estimates the specialist.
If all goes well, from 6-7 years old or a little later, he joins the group of the oldest, of “those who don’t believe in it”. He will have understood that it was “a lie for his own good,” slips Professor Grégory Michel, “which did not exist to hide a sordid secret, but to keep him in an imagination that allowed him to share things with others. children “. He will not be at all insecure but even proud to access the world of the greatest. A real rite of passage in short.