Within the intersyndicale, as in all families, the desire to crepe the bun is not lacking. There’s no arguing about where to go on vacation or what name to give the dog. Because in this strange blended family – and somewhat dysfunctional, it must be admitted – the internal conflicts revolve more around the modus operandi against the pension reform and the degree of possible negotiation with the government.
The divisions are there, and many political commentators have long been betting on a future divorce. But the union family has set a new course, with a new day of mobilization against 64-year-olds on June 6. So still a minimum month to hold, united, in the house. How not to implode? 20 minutes contacted two therapists to scrape some advice on family conflicts: Raphaëlle de Foucauld, couple and family therapist, and Robert Zuili, psychologist specializing in emotional interactions. Lie down on the couch, let’s go!
Showcase your uniqueness without caricaturing yourself
A family is not a uniform group but a set of different members. In this case, eight for the inter-union. “Each has its own asperities, and is legitimate to assert its needs. It’s important not to fade away, not to forget yourself and to keep your own identity, even within a group, even with a common goal,” says Raphaëlle de Foucauld: “It’s not because the unions all want the reform to be withdrawn, everyone must lose their identity for this purpose. »
But be careful not to fall into self-caricature or inflexibility. “In a family, everyone can tend to lock themselves into a role: the strict father, the rebellious child… We see it with the CFDT in its reformist union costume, the CGT which would necessarily like to appear more radical… These sharp postures quickly become counter-productive” So it’s yes to assert yourself, not to withdraw into yourself.
Communication
A little obvious certainly, but we could not cut it. A family, a couple, a group of friends… Any social relationship only lasts if the dialogue is maintained. And we are talking about dialogue, not bawling everyone in their corner. “So you have to know how to listen to the other, try to understand what their expectations are, their feelings, try to put yourself in their place”, continues the therapist.
And dialogue is not just listening, it’s also knowing how to express yourself correctly – and effectively. “It requires introspection to define what you really want. We tend to blur our own messages, to evoke our desires rather than our needs, which does not help the other to understand us and to hear us, ”develops Raphaëlle de Foucauld.
Remember common values
A family cannot be chosen, the inter-union if. It’s a big bonus. So when thinking about separating, sometimes you have to remember why you got together in the first place. “There is less emotional commitment than in a real family and more pragmatism,” Robert Zuili clearly recalls. This can help de-ignite the debates, especially since this family of circumstances has a common “enemy”, pension reform, which is always useful for uniting a group and minimizing internal tensions. »
Knowing how to leave at the right time (and in peace)
All good things come to an end, but not all endings are good. To avoid a clash, the best thing is to know how to say “stop” in time, and not to wait for the house to collapse before slamming the door. “Separations are part of life and sometimes, when things are no longer progressing because everyone wants a different direction, you have to know how to leave,” recalls Raphaëlle de Foucauld. All while avoiding an overflow of feelings: “The best thing to do is to question yourself on what went wrong, rather than necessarily blaming things on others. »
Especially since the inter-union may be calling for others, against future reforms, in particular on work: “You have to imagine a kind of healthy break rather than a break on bad terms. »
A solution all the more tempting for Robert Zuili that “from the start, it was certain that the inter-union would not last. It was only a temporary and circumstantial family. No need, therefore, to end in drama. »
Remember the good times
It’s already good to leave without feeling, it’s even better if you leave with a heart full of gratitude. Robert Zuili: “This inter-union, it will have been something rare in the social history of the country, an estimable union because far from being obvious. So yes, it will end one day, so great are the internal divisions and so important is it for everyone to chart their own course. But it will have existed, and it will have been beautiful. It is the most important “.