No matter how we lived, loved, prayed or cursed in our lives, in the end we are all the same. And when we’re dead we end up in a box. Or in an urn, in any case in a vessel that encloses our remains and keeps them out of the world. At least in Germany this is the case and results from the cemetery obligation, which has existed since 1934 – arose from concerns about the spread of diseases. There is one exception, however: the sea. The North or Baltic Sea can serve as the final resting place, explains Undertaker Norbert Nussrainer from the Ebersberger Funeral Service Riedel. But burial in the seaman’s grave is also subject to strict rules. In Germany you need a provider, i.e. a shipping company, that has the approval for this. The urn is then handed over to the floods at a point precisely noted in the logbook, relatives can go out with them or not, that ultimately depends on the wallet.
Scattering the ashes of the beloved deceased in the garden at home is not an option in Germany and is armed with fines, even if the deceased wanted it or the widow would like to keep him by his side. The mortal remains, regardless of the form, are given to the relatives once the death has been reported and the deceased is handed over to the undertaker, no longer in their hands. Other countries, such as Switzerland, are a little more generous with this.
The people in the Ebersberg district are still so devout that you don’t have to worry about the continued existence of the classic cemeteries. The one on Johann-Sebastian-Bach-Straße Vaterstetten is particularly beautiful, green and enchanted.
(Photo: Peter Hinz-Rosin)
Well, whether below or above the earth, we won’t care about anything when we’re dead, you might object. And yet the subject can plague you, even if you think you are many years away from your last breath. And the demand for alternatives to the damp crypt under marble stone or slate boulder is increasing. Also in the Ebersberg district, as Nussrainer reports. Although the proportion of unusual final resting places in a nationwide comparison is still in the single-digit range, the majority of burials have traditionally been held in the consecrated ground of a cemetery, reports the press spokeswoman for the Federal Association of German Undertakers Elke Herrnberger. “But we see the individualization tendencies” – from the wind to the forest to the diamond burial, “the wishes are all there”.
The costs incurred for long-term grave occupancy are not necessarily the decisive argument for the search for alternatives, even if the municipality of Poing, for example, has anchored in its statutes that no pre-bookings are accepted due to its relatively low cemetery fees. The aim is to prevent citizens who only live temporarily in Poing from taking advantage of this advantage and taking away the space from long-term community residents. Registrar Renate Karisch reports that the cemetery of the large-scale community has to be expanded anyway, and that exclusively to include urn graves. Even the classic burial has changed in contrast to the past, she says, “30 years ago an urn grave was still the total exception,” but cremation is now almost the rule. And a must for alternative resting places anyway: Only one urn is allowed in the tree grave – as has been possible in Ebersberg since 2015 – or in the burial field under a meadow of flowers like in Poing. The square meter of meadow costs 700 euros for twelve years and thus even slightly more than a classic urn grave. But the cemetery administration also takes care of the maintenance of the field, according to registrar Karisch.
For the last rest without a coffin: The funeral garden in Poing.
(Photo: Christian Endt)
In contrast to the classic grave, she explains that only an organically degradable container can be chosen because it is not intended to re-bed the remains of a deceased person. An extension of the rest period is also not possible. After twelve years, the space can be used again. In Poing, however, it will take a while before this becomes necessary, despite increasing demand. Almost 60 of the 281 graves in the burial field are occupied; the field has existed for three years.
Also in the roots of burial trees like those in the Ebersberg cemetery, only urns may be sunk that dissolve over time. Families or spouses become, as it were, together in death food for the tree. According to the registry office, this burial option is also assumed to be good. However, it should not be confused with the forest burial in the cemetery or calm forest, in which the urns with the dead ashes are buried in a specially dedicated but not consecrated forest. “Many people say today, I have nothing more to do with the church, there are more and more people leaving, so they no longer want a cemetery-based burial,” explains Nussrainer. More and more funerals are held without church accompaniment, “the pastors only notice this if the deceased was a member of the church”. But the Germans are still catholic enough, one need not fear the existence of the classic cemeteries, certainly not in the Ebersberg district. There is no cemetery here, the closest one is in Dietramszell, according to the undertaker. In contrast to the forest, where the burial site is usually not or hardly marked at all, with tree burials in the cemetery one knows exactly where a dead person is lying. The relatives save themselves the care of the grave – which mostly, according to Herrnberger, corresponds more to the wishes of the deceased, who does not want to be a burden to his children or his life partner afterwards, because fresh flowers have to be planted constantly or the cemetery fees have to be paid. In fact, there is a trend towards “freedom from care” for graves, but without a grave site, relatives lack the place to mourn, which is important for the processing process. “The will of the deceased should be measured and measured, but you also die for the bereaved.”
There is an urn wall in Poing.
(Photo: Christian Endt)
In any case, the future of the funeral home is secured even if the trend towards an alternative final resting place continues. All formalities that become necessary with the death, from the collection of the corpse to the hygiene treatment, the cremation, laying in the coffin or laying out as well as the provision of the papers for the burial, will continue to be in the hands of the institutes. They know the deadlines and the fee statutes of the cemeteries. “You can also ask a non-local cemetery whether a deceased can be buried there,” explains Herrnberger. The most expensive thing about a funeral is usually not the undertaker’s services, but the cemetery fees, which can amount to up to 80 percent. “It’s worth comparing,” she says. The price for a classic grave site could vary by several thousand euros.
Those who don’t care about money at all can simply send themselves or their loved ones into space, that is also possible – in Russia or in the United States. Those who like it more down-to-earth can scatter themselves on an alpine meadow in Switzerland or have some of their ashes processed into a diamond. The latter is not cheap either, is only possible abroad and carries a certain risk: The good piece is subject to “strictly speaking, the cemetery obligation, so it could actually have to be buried in the ground,” said Herrnberger. “But where there is no judge, there is no executioner. In any case, I am not aware of any such case.”