“It’s amazing that we’ll soon be celebrating your birthday for the second time,” my neighbor said to me the other day on the way to work. I have been very lucky with the accommodation here, also with the neighbors and last year we organized a birthday party on June 21st. I didn’t feel like celebrating in my country during the war. But I still decided to give us a piece of normality. Back then, everyone who came to the party hoped that I would be back home in Kiev for my next birthday.
But I’m still in Pullach, and I put Bavarian sausages on the table with Ukrainian salads. Madness is actually the word that explains exactly what I’m feeling. Crazy how long it’s been. So many people of my country are defending Ukraine on the front lines, many are dying and I feel guilty every day because I am safe. It’s crazy that I’ve been a refugee for 17 months. I probably don’t come across as a cliché of a refugee because I have three university degrees and speak three foreign languages - but that’s how it is. War does not choose who it forces to flee. All are equal before danger.
It’s amazing that I’ve been writing this column for more than a year. It’s getting harder and harder to suggest interesting topics every time, but I hope that my writing isn’t boring anyway. It’s amazing that my daughter already speaks much better German than I do. She will start primary school in the fall and I am not worried that she will have any language difficulties. She likes it when I read in German and has less and less interest in Ukrainian. She often says: “Mom, I forgot Ukrainian”. And that only after 17 months in Germany.
What’s next? Recently I saw a post on social media: A refugee woman wrote that millions of Ukrainian children are now learning different European languages and that is good because later all these children can build the European future in Ukraine. There was a comment on this post that these children are probably not Ukrainian children anymore because they have internalized the culture of other countries.
I see (and fear) that for the most part. It’s exactly what I’m noticing more and more in my life. My everyday life is becoming more and more similar to the everyday life of many Germans. Work, school, after-school care, leisure activities for the child, friends in Germany. Less and less space is left in my daily schedule for activities relevant to Ukraine. There is less and less Ukrainian and Ukrainian culture in my daughter’s daily schedule. That makes my heart heavy. Although I really like Munich and Germany, I really want to celebrate my next birthday at home, in my peaceful Kiev. I want my life back as soon as possible.
Emiliia Dieniezhna, 35, fled from Kiev to Pullach near Munich with her then four-year-old daughter Ewa. She works voluntarily for the non-governmental organization NAKO, which aims to fight corruption in Ukraine. She also teaches German to Ukrainian refugee children. Once a week she writes a column for the SZ about her view from Munich on the events in her home country.