A bouquet of roses, chocolates, even fine lingerie. While many couples consider Valentine’s Day to be too commercial a holiday, for others it remains an unmissable opportunity to give each other a gift and celebrate their love. And why not on the occasion of a naughty evening. But naughty enough to afford and use sex toys?
If there are some who consider dildos and other clitoral stimulators as competitors, others see it rather as a way to spice up their sexuality and strengthen their bond.
A concurrent object
In couple for ten years, Pauline and Rémy have for the moment no desire to make room for them. “We manage to reinvent ourselves with lingerie, midnight baths, frolics in exciting places, in the middle of nature, describes the 38-year-old couple. We will notify when the flame has gone out to think about sex toys, when we will need renewal. A 37-year-old dad, Theo recognizes that his sex life has experienced more heated periods. However, sex toys still do not make him want. “I can’t see myself using a dildo with my wife: if we make love, it’s up to me to make her come, not a vibrating toy bigger than me,” he says.
A nervousness that is frequently observed Nathalie Giraud-Desforgessex therapist and founder of the site Pink Chilli. “Sex toys can be a point of contention: a couple consulted me after the husband discovered that his wife was using them solo, knowing that they had little sexual intercourse. He felt betrayed, considering him as a competing object of his virility and sending him back to his inability to make his wife come, she says. In the end, it was an opportunity to discuss everyone’s problems and expectations, to get out of the pattern of heteronormative, penetrative sexuality, to free oneself from the masculine mental burden of having to get a hard-on at all costs and to be efficient, and the injunction to enjoy that the husband imposed on his wife. They learned, together, to seek their own pleasure, and a few months later, the sex toy made a place for itself in their antics.
In practice, “when men buy dildos to use with their partner, they take smaller sizes than women choose, probably driven by this very Latin vision of virility in the face of an object that they can see as a competitor. observes Patrick Pruvot, founder of the passage of desire.
Women in action
Moreover, “most often, it is women who are in charge of renewing sexual practices and resorting to sex toys,” he continues. Making up 60% of the clientele, they are much more relaxed about sex toys, which they first used solo and which they now introduce into their relationship, he continues. One of our studies published in December also reveals that two thirds of the sex toys purchased are used by two people”.
Her dildo, Camille waited three months to take it out of her drawer and try it out with her companion. “He doesn’t like to penetrate me when I’m on my period, so my toy has become an alternative,” says the 30-year-old. Now, it’s an accessory that we don’t deprive ourselves of to spice up our antics”.
Bestsellers
And in ready-to-wear as in adult toy stores, there are trends. What appeals most to couples at the moment, “is everything that is interactive and works with a remote control, like the vibrating egg, a bestseller,” says Patrick Pruvot. “When the other triggers the egg inserted into his partner, there is a very erotic dimension of cerebral pleasure in giving pleasure without even putting his hand down”, adds Nathalie Giraud-Desforges.
Another best-seller: “We-Vibe Unite, a sex toy for couples to wear during sex and which vibrates for both partners. But also pulsed air clitoral stimulators, which have revolutionized the market. And for the first time, last year, sales of non-penetrating sex toys exceeded those of dildos and vibrators,” adds the founder of Passage du Désir. Purchases that are popular on Valentine’s Day: “We recorded a 50% increase in our sales in February”.
“Laughter” and “new sources of pleasure”
So many toys that have reached their target and fill them with pleasure at any age. If she is single at the moment, Capucine, 30, has “often used sex toys in [ses] previous relationships, serious or not. I had partners curious to see how women took pleasure, and to discover new sources of pleasure. They are not essential, but it adds a bit of madness. And giggles: for example when you want to use one and you have to take the batteries from the TV remote control, ”laughs the young woman.
They are “real toys for adults, which allow you to explore sexuality in a very free way, free from taboos, confirms Nathalie Giraud-Desforges. If the two partners are in tune and share this spirit of play, then it’s a great way to bring lightness”. It’s not Stéphane, 49, who will say the opposite: “We very regularly use a wide range of them with my wife: clitoral stimulator, dildos of different sizes, plugs, as well as costumes for role-playing and soft constraint, he explains. Thanks to sex toys, our sex parties can last for hours! »
“He takes over from Monsieur”
At 25, Alyssa is already convinced, “sex toys are our allies! My partner and I love to use it: it spice up the moment and allows us to vary our games, our feelings. And then my dildo takes over for Monsieur when he needs a break or wants to bring me to orgasm faster”. A pleasure that Patrick, 65, does not sulk with his wife. “Given our slightly advanced age, we use it regularly. Clitoral suction stimulator, vibrator, good-sized dildo: this allows us to diversify our antics for greater enjoyment! »
And if they are not right in every bedroom, sex toys are gaining more and more followers. More than 15% use it regularly with their partner, according to a study published in May 2022 for Womanizer, a brand of high-end sex toys. “The paradigm shift is to manage to see them as a relay, an accomplice and an extension of pleasure, rather than a reference to the human limit, believes Nathalie Giraud-Desforges. This widens the palette of sexual exploration to stimulate differently, to increase and vary the intensity of desire. And there, both partners win.