Jojo effect
“You’ve lost weight!”: The dumbest compliment in the world
Those who enjoy eating have a harder time shedding pounds and are probably reluctant to be approached about it
© Stefa Nikolic / Getty Images
Our author is a yo-yo type. Sometimes slim, sometimes a bit chubby. She has often heard the sentence “You lost weight,” and each time it annoys her more.
By Marie Stadler
This text first appeared here brigitte.de.
My summers fall into two categories: those when I’m showered with compliments on my weight loss record, and those when nobody says a word about my figure because it’s better not to say what’s on their mind. Why it is like that? I’m just Jojo-Trap incarnate. I love food (very much!) and I love fitting into my jeans.
Depending on the situation in life, one love triumphs over the other and then the other again over the one. Personally, I don’t have a big problem with that anymore. Because I like myself. In thick, in thin, in between. But what I don’t like at all: The constant evaluation of my appearance from the outside. And yes: “You’ve lost a lot of weight!” IS a review!
I admit: I’ve already given the compliment
Honestly: I used to “commend” friends or relatives for their success in losing weight. Am I entitled to this? Not a bit. Because “you lost weight really well” implies a lot of bullshit. For example, that you were somehow less great before. That it is important at all – to the others. And that it is desirable to be particularly thin. Basically, the sentence also says much more about the person who says it than about the person to whom it is addressed.
People who are at peace with themselves and their figure are not interested in that at all. At least not if you move within a range that is not dangerous to your health. Because we are not talking about unhealthy obesity, which of course is to be congratulated on overcoming simply because it is less dangerous and less burdensome. No, we’re talking about a few rolls of fat, wavy arms and well-nourished cheeks that are sometimes there and sometimes not. And whether other people look like that or not, we shouldn’t really care. Whenever I say a sentence like “You’ve lost a lot of weight!” Anyway, what I said revealed a lot about my own self-esteem at that moment.
Can’t it just not matter?
For my part, I decided a long time ago that I would never say anything like that again, and I would be really happy if as many people as possible saw it that way. Comments about weight are patronizing and don’t make the other person feel good that a compliment should. In fact, it just isn’t. And I’ll put it this way: Thoughts are free and I don’t want to forbid anyone’s focus of perception here, but even if the first thought when we meet again is that I’ve gotten thinner, I just don’t want to know that. It reduces me to such an insignificant part of myself that it’s almost an insult.
Unfortunately, I only noticed this when I myself stopped focusing on how much I weigh and whether I’m just right, how I look. I can really only recommend stopping this self-flagellation. Because then you suddenly see the others with much friendlier eyes and a sentence like “You’ve lost a lot of weight” doesn’t even come to mind.