More and more women without a male partner are choosing to become pregnant through sperm donation. The reasons for this are different – and the path for solo mothers is not always easy.
“I made a conscious decision to have my child without him having a father. I could have found a partner. I could have waited. I couldn’t have become a mother. But I just wanted to be a mother and I didn’t want to wait more,” says Clara, who doesn’t want to give her last name.
The 36-year-old from Wiesbaden is the mother of a three-year-old child, but she doesn’t know the father personally because she is a solo mom. When she was in her early 30s, she decided to have a child through sperm donation after a failed marriage – and she is not an isolated case. More and more women in Germany are like Clara. According to the current status of the Berlin sperm bank, 39 percent are single women, 41 percent are lesbian couples and 20 percent are heterosexual couples who receive sperm.
Why sperm donation?
The women who choose this path have very different reasons and starting situations: For example, it may be that their current partner doesn’t want a child or simply can’t commit. There are also women who currently do not have a partner, but definitely want a child and can imagine raising it alone or in a co-partnership. Women who would describe themselves as aromantic and asexual also resort to sperm donation.
More and more women want to become single mothers
The number of fertility treatments by solo mothers via artificial insemination in the laboratory increased from 146 in 2018 to 1,287 in 2022. This is based on the data German IVF registry out. However, according to the chairman of the Donogen Insemination working group, Andreas Hammel, the numbers are even higher because the insemination treatment method has only recently been included in the register.
During insemination, sperm is injected directly into the uterus for women who do not have any particular difficulties and does not require the sperm and egg to be brought together in the laboratory, as is the case with in vitro fertilization (IVF). Gynecologist Hammel also explains that to date “only about a third of German institutions report their treatment numbers.” In addition, the register does not list the people who go abroad for treatment.
Many women would still go to Denmark, says blogger Hanna Schiller. She is a solo mom herself and has been dealing with this topic for many years: “In Germany, prospective moms still face a few hurdles on their way and they report that the atmosphere and service there is much better,” reports she.
Not all of them yet Fertility clinics treat single women
Hanna has also had treatment in Denmark, among other places. On her blog and on Instagram she would like to provide support to women who feel the desire to become a mother without having a male partner or who are in a lesbian relationship. Solo mom Clara also got a lot of her information from her.
On her website, for example, Schiller lists which fertility clinics women can receive treatment in, because not all of them in Germany offer insemination for women without a partner, although the number is increasing. The requirements of the clinics are sometimes a hurdle: “Some, for example, want a so-called guarantor person. In the event that something happens to the woman or she can no longer afford it financially,” says Hanna.
She doesn’t think this is acceptable and understands why this demand is met with rejection by many women: “If I have decided on my own to have a child without a partner, I don’t want to oblige anyone else to do it for me or my child to have to pay financially.”
What if the child asks: Who is my daddy?
In addition, clinics usually recommend or require that women undergo psychosocial counseling beforehand. The fertility consultant and chairwoman of the German Society for Fertility Counseling, Katharina Horn, who offers this advice, also thinks this makes sense. Research has shown that it is important for the child’s identity to inform them about their origins. Therefore, mothers should be prepared to later explain to the child how it came about.
It is also important to prepare well for the upcoming family constellation and, for example, to discuss questions such as: How to deal with genetic half-siblings. “I want to take away women’s fears of psychosocial counseling,” says Horn. “This is not a report that is drawn up as to whether someone is fit to be a mother. The advice should not have an instructive or testing character, but rather an educational one.” She would like everyone – be it a heterosexual couple or a single person – to be entitled to free psychological care. So far, the advice is not covered by the health insurance fund.
Is the requirement for a guarantee person outdated?
The lawyer for fertility rights, Andreas Maria Wucherpfennig, doesn’t believe in a demand for a guarantee person: “I think that’s completely invalid. What are these people supposed to guarantee? Maintenance is not based on an agreement, but according to the law. This declaration can therefore be revoked at any time This doesn’t make you liable for maintenance.”
In this case, a notary only puts one signature under a declaration from two people, which would not hold up in court. A legal maintenance obligation would only exist between parents.
Lawyer Wucherpfennig is convinced that the fact that clinics still require such a person is a relic from before the Sperm Donor Register Act came into force. The law states that children aged 16 and over conceived after 2018 will be allowed to find out from a central office whose sperm was used in artificial insemination because they have the right to know their origin.
The law was rated higher than the clinics’ duty of confidentiality. The law also stipulates that the sperm donor is not obliged to pay maintenance and plays no role in the child’s life.
The cost of treatment can vary
Single mother Clara was lucky with her clinic and felt she was in good hands. She found a donor she liked from an extensive sperm bank catalog and ultimately decided on insemination. The costs are around 1,500 to 2,000 euros. With artificial insemination in the laboratory such as IVF or ICSI, you can expect at least twice as much.
Clara has created a financial cushion for the treatment. It worked for her on the second try. But this is not the case for every woman. She is happy with her decision, has no regrets and is open about it.
She was transparent with her son from an early age: “I told him from the beginning at the changing table that I always knew that I wanted to have a child,” she says. “But I didn’t have a partner and that’s why I got help because I knew I wanted to have you. And now you’re in my life and I’m very happy about that.”
A stable environment is crucial
A 2017 study by the Free University of Amsterdam says that children of voluntarily single mothers show neither abnormal behavior nor more psychological problems than children of the same age from more traditional family constellations. Fertility consultant Katharina Horn can also confirm this: “There is no evidence that a child needs a male caregiver. A child simply needs a stable, loving environment.”
You can find the report “Sperm donation – I wanted a child without a father” in the ARD media library.