In the all-digital era, SMS have taken a considerable place in our daily lives. After the emergence of sexting [envoi de message ou photo à caractère sexuel]the fexting today seems to have more and more followers. Contraction of the English terms “fight” (“dispute”) and “texting” (“send messages”), this new practice designates the fact of yelling at each other or settling its conflicts by text messages or SMS interposed.
It was the American presidential couple who popularized the expression last spring. In an interview with the magazine Harper’s Bazaar, the wife of the American president, Jill Biden, confided that with her husband, she regularly practiced “fexting”. A way to avoid getting angry and arguing in public, especially in front of the secret services, and especially not to disclose confidential information.
“A habit” for many couples
Without even knowing it, a large majority of couples – and friends – today practice fexting. “When you argue over text, the distance may make you feel less oppressed. We have time to formulate our words, and to better understand what makes us angry. When we text, we don’t have the pressure of having to resolve a conflict immediately. It allows you to give yourself a little time, a little perspective, “explains to 20 minutes Morgane Catoire, therapist specializing in marital relations.
the fexting is especially a technique very appreciated by introverted people or who have difficulty expressing their emotions face-to-face. “Some have trouble expressing how they feel, so writing things down can help them express themselves more honestly and clearly,” said Judith Aronowitz, a therapist in New York, interviewed. speak Huffpost. “With texting, my clients say they have the ability to maintain a level of connection while still having the space to express themselves thoughtfully.”
“Solving a problem by SMS is the best way to pursue misunderstandings”
If it is acclaimed by many couples, for whom yelling by SMS has become a habit, the fexting does not only have advantages, quite the contrary. “Text messages sent in the heat of the moment can result in hurtful comments that you don’t really mean and might never say face-to-face. In writing, some words can be misunderstood. Certain terms – such as “trust” and “respect” – can be subject to multiple interpretations. And there, it is very difficult to readjust his remarks, ”explains the Parisian therapist. “Texting is a good channel for defusing a situation or reconnecting after a conflict, but never for settling a dispute. On the contrary, it is the best way to pursue misunderstandings. There is no guarantee that the other has heard the message that we wanted to convey,” adds Morgane Catoire.
The “fexting” method can indeed have harmful effects. “It can be potentially devastating. I’ve had lifelong relationships and friendships that ended in a hastily written, angry text message,” psychotherapist Hannah Martin told the British magazine. Glamour. So why the fexting is he so popular? For some, it is a way of not directly confronting the person concerned: “It’s a blanket you can hide behind, so that you don’t see someone getting physically angry or in distress”, says psychologist Jo Hemmings to the Guardian.