“today’s show”
“Unfortunately, cucumber troops fit twice”: Welke jokes so hard about the role of the Pope in child abuse
Oliver Welke and his team targeted the Catholic Church on the “Today Show”.
© today show / ZDF
What role did Pope Benedict play in the Catholic Church’s abuse scandals? The “Today Show” also asked itself this question. And had hard answers ready.
Child abuse scandals have rocked the Catholic Church for decades. And recently, the role of former Pope Benedict, aka Cardinal Ratzinger, has also become part of internal investigations. So it’s high time to deal with the scandal in the “Today Show”. And to ask very clearly: “Can the store be reformed at all?”
The introductory graphic already shows the direction in which the segment is headed: “Sistine Chapel” is emblazoned in the background, while moderator Oliver Welke explains the so-called “Synodal Path”, which deals with the allegations. “The clergy and lay people discuss in equal parts. The few lay people who still believe that their church could one day arrive in the 21st century,” Welke jokes. And already makes it clear with the first quote that this is unlikely to happen in a part of the church.
Double cucumber squad
One of the clerics involved wanted to prove with a study that the questioning of the abused children was more harmful than “the basically harmless abuse.” Of course, Welke cannot leave this uncommented. “Hui,” he quickly blurts out. Even if you try to hide behind the study afterwards, such quotes are “not a good start for such a gathering,” he politely holds back.
Welke only finds one church statement good: A cleric from Cologne summed up the state of the church in a satirical way: “We’re a cucumber troupe, as they say in Kölsch,” he said angrily. Much to Welke’s delight. “Gherkin squad – unfortunately, it fits twice in this context,” he adds.
“Aiding in Abuse”
The German Pope Benedict is suddenly part of the scandal himself, the moderator transfers. He had been found guilty of misconduct in cover-up cases. And: Welke explains the former cardinal’s involvement: He would have told the untruth in the first session. “He was present at a crucial meeting after all” when it came to a pedophile priest. And suddenly it was “scientifically proven: the Pope is not infallible at all!” Welke admits shocked under lightning effects. “What’s next? The Pope doesn’t even box in mail?”
The consequent relocation of priests who had been made aware of allegations of abuse “put even more children in danger,” Welke understandably resents. “But well, that’s just the subtleties of canon law and church morals,” he adds. However, he sees it as “aid to abuse”.
Where is the state?
Welke’s demand is therefore: The church must hand over the secret personnel files on the well-known abuse scandals. Because: “In Germany there has never been a public prosecutor’s search in any church administration,” Welke is now also making fun of the state authorities.
“How would it be if the state prosecuted other crimes or other criminals like the Catholic Church did? If the police caught a drug dealer in the act with coke, he would no longer be brought before a normal court, but before an internal court of the Drug Dealers’ Association”, he graphically demonstrates the absurdity of the situation to the viewers. The dealer would only have to show remorse and would then be relocated to another street corner to deal as punishment. “Right next to the playground.”
So it’s not surprising that Welke also has a practical tip for church members who have had enough but can’t get an appointment to leave because of the rush: “A written declaration is actually sufficient for leaving, which they then have notarized,” winks he. Then it is enough to put the letter of resignation in the mailbox at the district court. “Zack, resigned. Without an appointment,” says Welke happily and takes a large sip from the cup with the “I’ll be out then” imprint.
“Tinder instead of children”
Olaf Schubert, who was invited as an “expert”, believes that the proposed marriage for pastors is not a solution. “A few priests may dream of marriage. But I’m married – and dream of celibacy,” he jokes about his marriage. After all, marriage is only possible from the age of 18. “And at the age of 18, most of the subjects are no longer attractive to the priests.” Instead, the clerics should rather gain experience first, he thinks. “Tinder instead of children.”
He doesn’t really want to believe in a reform of the church. “If you repaint the dead hamster, it might look nicer. But that won’t bring it back to life.” The people who are drawn to the church appreciate the quirky old, he believes. “Modernizing the church – just for energy reasons. Those big windows pull in quite a bit.”
Source: ZDF