Emotional dependence is characterized by a persistent, even excessive, need to be taken care of, reassured or approved by others. To be clear, it is the person who is a little “clingy” or sometimes totally submissive who accepts everything, often for fear of rejection. This pathology remains difficult to identify because it has several ways of manifesting itself and different levels of severity. To no longer confuse a simple feeling of love with the beginnings of emotional dependence, Assa Djelou therapist, specialized in cognitive psychology, gives us the three most common scenarios.
A constant need for others
Excessive attachment can be the first sign of emotional dependence, warns Assa Djelou. This pattern can occur following abandonment, the absence of a parent during childhood, a painful upbringing or, conversely, excessive emotional care. “These situations will create an emotional imbalance, faults having a direct impact on the emotional reservoir,” affirms the therapist.
This behavior can also lead to the constant search for approval from others. More concretely, the individual may have to cancel certain projects if he is not supported or even transfer or delegate certain important personal decisions in his daily life, whether professional, medical or relational.
Excessive and unjustified tolerance
The second sign of emotional dependence is accepting certain abnormal situations in the relationship, explains the therapist. Among them, we can list physical and sexual violence but also psychological ones. Indeed, emotional dependence can lead to submission that can hide psychological control. There is a difference between constructive criticism and recurring remarks with the aim of “belittling” or creating “disenchantment with oneself”, warns the professional. “The other person who is next to you is supposed to help you improve. And improvement is in no way achieved through belittling or humiliation,” insists Assa Djelou.
Manifestation of daily hypersolicitation
The therapist means by this third case, a passive behavior where the individual is constantly in a position of waiting towards the other. For example, the emotionally dependent will want the other to be present before starting an activity without ever undertaking anything alone. Clearly, the individual is constantly seeking assistance. Be careful, “you may be living through this interlocutor,” warns the professional. She states that these behaviors can be “painful” and “toxic” both for loved ones and for oneself.
To deal with this emotional dependence, the professional recommends being accompanied by a “mental health professional”. This monitoring will make it possible to identify the manifestations of the pathology and to provide personalized solutions in order to free ourselves from it.