The summer season rhymes with hot sand, rays of sunshine and perpetual high tide on the side of our complexes. July and August impose themselves as a break during which our bodies like our hearts should agree to keep the promises they owe to society. Even more than the rest of the year, during the summer our bellies must be flat, our legs stripped of hair and our diaries filled with dates. Charline Vermont, sexual health trainer, sex therapist and creator of the Instagram account Orgasm and meagreed to return for 20 minutes on these seasonal injunctions. The author is also preparing the release of her book Body, love, sexuality: there is no age to ask questions (Albin Michel), scheduled for October and which will be “the first comprehensive guide to sexuality education for adults”.
Is summer a season when the injunctions are particularly strong?
Of course, the injunctions on the body are even stronger in summer. As it is hot, we strip naked and the body is more visible. Women’s magazines keep this going by running a whole bunch of articles about “getting ready for summer” and getting your bodysuit. You have a body ? It’s summer ? Well you already have your bodysuit ! It’s terrible to repeat that our body is never enough, as if there was something to accomplish before having the right to show it. Our body belongs to us, we only have one. THE male gauze forces us to revolve our lives around the gaze of straight cis men. But life is too short to try to please other people. First of all, you have to be at peace with yourself.
With “body positivism”, are the French men and women less affected by these injunctions?
We sometimes say to ourselves that we have entered a feminist era and that we have come out of these injunctions. But statistics show that this is completely false. About 60% of French women don’t like their bodies as summer approaches. Speeches encouraging people to “prepare for summer” maintain or even give rise to complexes. I see this as a sexual health trainer. These injunctions have consequences, especially in private life.
Let’s just try to go on vacation to enjoy moments by getting rid of this pressure to date to have things to talk about, it’s very toxic. »
How do they interfere in our intimate lives?
We ask ourselves questions about how we are perceived, instead of focusing on our pleasure or the pleasure of the other. Where there is discomfort, there is no pleasure! Sex is not a beauty contest. From the moment a person has chosen you and you have chosen this person to share a moment of complicity, enjoy your moment. Unfortunately, there is a whole re-education to be done on bodies and the diversity of bodies. Vulvas are all unique. Penises are all unique. We must celebrate the diversity of bodies. If you are dealing with a woman or a gendered person who is the target of these injunctions, your role is to reassure your partner. Be in the reinsurance, it is very important at this time.
Does summer also rhyme with hair wars?
The injunction to hair removal is terrible. I have two teenage daughters and, even trying to educate them in a non-gendered way, they suffer from the question of hair removal from college! Especially in the summer, I keep my hair down so my daughters can see it’s all OK eye. It obviously isn’t meant to be an injunction: your body, your choice. If you want to wax, wax. But the underlying question is: can we speak of free choice when we have such powerful injunctions around us?
This question is still very difficult for women…
For sure. We are made to believe that it is normal for women to have their legs, armpits and vulvas shaved. We consider that our bodies belong to the public domain, the double standard is unbearable. So the first time you decide to go out without being shaved, it’s almost like going out naked in the street or in a neon pink outfit. In reality, people will linger for three seconds but after it’s over, they forget. In addition, it has an unsuspected advantage: it is an excellent filter for assholes. My body, my choices. From the moment it is not respected, it is next !
Life is too short to try to please other people. First of all, you have to be at peace with yourself. »
In summer, the “sea” and the “sun” often go with the “sex”. Does the summer season necessarily have to rhyme with hot encounters?
For many French women and men, the holidays fall in the summer. Some move geographically and, in fact, meet people they would not meet in their daily life. If you know any holiday loves, that’s cool, so much the better! But let’s finish with the hierarchy of relationships, the emphasis is always on the dating. Romantic or sexual encounters are not more important than friendships. Whatever relationship you build is magical. Let’s just try to go on vacation to enjoy the moments by letting go of this pressure of date to have things to talk about, it’s very toxic.
Precisely the fact of kiffer seems to be a prerequisite of the summer…
On social networks, we see many people going to the end of the world, enjoying a vacation in paradise. You can quickly get the feeling that everyone is enjoying a wonderful vacation. But the reality is very different. Inflation is insane, food prices have exploded, fuel prices too. These are actually 40% of French people who cannot leave on vacation this summer. Under the pretext that it’s summer, it should be magical. Believe me, it’s not magic for everyone! We do not talk enough about the fact that millions of French people have fallen into precariousness this year. The injunction to happiness is a double penalty. I want to say to these people: ”You are doing your best in an extremely unfair system. It’s completely normal to feel bad. Rather than injunctions, we need love and empathy.