For Pauline, July 2022 was to be the best of her life. Now, when she thinks about it, it’s with a knot in her stomach. This forties and her husband must leave this summer in a village near Kiev in Ukraine to look for their little girl, conceived within the framework of a GPA (surrogacy). The country allows this procedure to heterosexual and married couples who have provided proof of their infertility. His friend Marie, who lives in Belgium, also has an appointment in the center of the country to discover her son, whose birth is also scheduled for July.
But the war in Ukraine turned their sweet thoughts into anxieties. “I am afraid that the woman carrying my baby will die under a bombardment. This thought paralyzes me every day,” says Pauline. Every day, these two “intended mothers” as they are called, glean all the information they can find on the evolution of the conflict. And whereas before the war, they communicated with surrogate mothers only through the clinic in charge of surrogacy, they now contact them directly. “I have news every day. We formed a very strong relationship. For the moment, her village is not affected by the bombardments and she does not want to leave it. Because her whole life is there: her husband and her two children. But I offered several times to pick her and her family up at the Polish border”.
“It is not because she is carrying my child that I have rights over her”
Marie also maintains a very close bond with the surrogate mother of her son: “Nearby towns are bombed, but not hers. And as soon as she hears a siren, she goes to take refuge in a bomb shelter. I offered our financial help several times or to pick her up at the Polish border, but she doesn’t want anything from us. She and her relatives do not want to leave because they believe that would prove Putin right. But she promised me that as soon as she no longer felt safe, she would leave. I respect his choice. Just because she’s carrying my child doesn’t mean I have rights over her. »
If the war continues in the coming months and if the babies are born, the question will arise of the procedure to follow to get them. Some European couples who had gone to pick up their child found themselves stranded in Ukraine. Others have recently flown to Poland to pick up their child at the border, with varying degrees of complications. “If the war is still raging in July, it is hoped that the surrogate will be able to give birth in Ukraine and be transported to the Polish border via a military corridor. Or that she can go and give birth in another country, if she wishes,” says Pauline.
“We are not only worried for our child, but for the surrogate mother”
The other concern is administrative: “Civil status services are currently closed in Ukraine, so parents cannot obtain birth certificates. They can only use the contract that was passed before the notary before surrogacy to prove that the child is theirs,” says Marie.
Of course, Marie and Pauline have been bruised by certain articles that have appeared in the media which describe the parents’ anxiety as indecent with regard to the fate of surrogate mothers. And by the demonstration of the anti-GPA on March 5 in Paris. “We are not selfish. We’re not just worried about our child, but about the surrogate. We feel like we are part of the same family and I am enormously grateful for what this woman does for us. Our detractors do not know our history. We have all had atrocious PMA journeys. And surrogacy was our last solution”. Marie also defends her choice: “Of course, surrogate mothers receive money from us, but it’s because they can’t work. And it should be remembered that they carry an embryo, but that they have no biological link with it, since it is not a question of their oocytes”.
“These babies are innocent, we must defend them”
Sylvie Mennesson, president of the pro-surrogacy association “Clara” which accompanies families in their procedures, explains that she “always dissuaded couples” from choosing Ukraine for their surrogacy, because this country “does not meet the ethical conditions”. and “the intermediaries are not always honest and the procedures not always transparent”.
But she nevertheless believes that the French public authorities must find solutions: “If babies born from surrogacy cannot be picked up by their intended parents, they will have to stay with their surrogate who never wanted it. Or they risk being put in a nursery. They are innocent, we must defend them, ”she insists. “Gestating mothers and intended parents are collateral damage of war. We have to help us, ”adds Pauline.