Sophia’s grades had already dropped six months earlier. When her father Oliver Fräg went to his daughter’s bedside in the morning in December 2021 so that she could get out of bed in time for class, the girl shook her head: “I can’t get up and go to school.” It is a new climax in a series of panic attacks that the now 14-year-old is experiencing. Sophia has not been at school since January 2022.
Oliver Fräg had already given up his job overnight nine months earlier. The self-employed IT analyst has been a single father ever since. After an earthquake in the family. “An incident with my wife,” says the 55-year-old, who wants to appear under a different name for this article out of fear of stigmatization. A man, successful and busy at work, well off, whose life is completely falling apart. “My wife was rioting, there was domestic violence.” Fräg calls the police. “It’s an alcohol problem.” Since the “incident”, father and daughter have been living alone in the house that belongs to his parents.
And the Munich resident hasn’t earned any money since then. He lives on his savings. “In the last three years I have used up almost all of my reserves and retirement savings.” His parents defer his rent. Oliver Fräg tells us this in the beautifully cleaned open living room over a cup of coffee; not a single sound can be heard in the whole house. Sophia is sitting upstairs in her room with headphones on her ears.
Two months after the escalation in the living room at home, the police are back at Frägs’ front door. The daughter is said to have expressed suicidal thoughts in a phone call and the officials were informed. The father no longer wants to leave his child unattended. He sees it in great distress. The psychologists diagnose “moderate depression with anxiety disorder”. In the middle of the corona pandemic.
Every attempt to get the child back into a school routine fails. Phone calls with teachers, psychologists, well-meaning friends. Sophia slowly drives up to new schools with new approaches, she can’t get out of the car and breaks out in a sweat. Last summer she cut herself. Why, asks her father? “I want to punish myself because I can’t go to school. Every little child can do that.” The anxiety disorder has manifested itself.
In the meantime, Sophia also had longer stays in the juvenile psychiatric ward. “You live from week to week. I’ve thought so many times, now life is starting again.” The constant tension is written on the 55-year-old’s face. Nevertheless, says Fräg, there is no permanent alarm. During the day they sit in the living room, playing man, don’t get angry, Uno, backgammon. “We often go for walks in the forest, go cycling, and one of Sophia’s friends comes to visit regularly.” But because she doesn’t go to school or any other larger groups, it’s difficult to be around people her own age.
“In three or four months things will be really tight with money.” The 55-year-old runs the palm of his hand across his forehead. He recently applied for a permanent position. But if it works, how would his daughter cope? He has just changed gas and electricity providers again and is saving 150 euros a year. The Munich resident also has a new mobile phone contract, 20 euros cheaper than the old one. He has long been a discounter customer. The daughter’s drum lessons have been canceled and the parents are covering the cost of the car’s MOT. “They support me wherever they can.”
Fräg’s carer in the social welfare center – he does not receive any state benefits – talks about using donations from the Advent calendar to relieve the father, who cares for his daughter “sacrificingly and lovingly”. At the end of the conversation, the door to Sophia’s room opens and she comes downstairs to greet the visitor. “They don’t notice anything about her during the day,” her father announced beforehand. She sits down at the table with him in a friendly manner for a photo. The two play man, don’t get angry.
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