After this state election at the latest, it will be clear that things cannot continue like this for Munich and the rest of Bavaria. Munich and the rest of Bavaria are two worlds that are as different as a three-star menu and a liver loaf roll. It’s crazy: a good 30 percent of Munich voters vote green, whereas in rural regions votes for the Greens are as rare as vegan pig farmers and friends of the Eco Party live underground, always in danger of being exposed and up to their necks in a barrel Being dipped in cereal.
And then the SPD: the Socialists got an incredible twelve percent in Munich, a result that must seem to the comrades in Deggendorf (don’t worry, we won’t reveal your names) like a glimpse into a socialist paradise. Free voters and the AfD, who the rural people follow like hen chicks, rank behind the Social Democrats in Munich, it’s true – man, that’s super embarrassing.
What follows from this is obvious: Munich and Bavaria do not fit together. It is high time for Munich to say goodbye to the so-called Free State and go its own way. The rest of Bavaria should look for another capital, Landshut for example, where Aiwanger has already taken over spiritual rule. In the Middle Ages, Landshut was the capital, but only of a partial duchy that did not include Munich.
They weren’t the worst times, you could build on that. Freed from the yoke of the green state capital, the rest of Bavaria could maintain normality in the best Aiwangerian sense, including daily meat consumption as well as wolf and bear hunts and without the worry that the people of Munich with their cargo bikes and the eternal Christopher Street Day parades in get in the way.
Unfortunately, joining Italy is not an option for Munich
But Munich would flourish even more as soon as it no longer had to drag along this dubious state of Bavaria and its errant Prime Minister. Above all, Munich residents no longer need to fear being greeted in civilized areas with the remark: “What, are you from Bavaria? Where 30 percent vote for right-wing populists or right-wing extremists.” This is getting annoying, so hello Bavaria.
But how would the separation work exactly? Well, at first glance it would be logical that Munich would join Italy as the capital of the region around Lake Garda, which is already occupied by Munich. But that’s not possible, because the post-fascists rule in Italy, and you don’t have to leave Bavaria to do that. Instead, Munich would be well advised to continue as a city state like Berlin, Hamburg or Bremen. Mayor Reiter would move to the State Chancellery as head of government, but only until the funny Katharina Schulze takes over the matter.
So far everything is paletti. The only question that remains is what will become of FC Bayern Munich. Bavaria and Munich in one name, that’s not possible. Either the club renames itself Werder Munich based on the Bremen model or it moves to the countryside, where it has the most fans anyway. FC Restbayern isn’t a bad name either. And 1860 would be Munich’s top club, but then some sense would have to come in. Sixty and reason? Oh, all of this is just a beautiful dream.