Parent-child communication
Six sentences you can say to your child when they hear AfD sayings
An emotional approach is helpful when communicating with children
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When their own child suddenly formulates AfD slogans, parents are often horrified. But how should they best address the topic? We asked an expert for advice.
The AfD is a serious issue – even in Germany’s nurseries. Just a few days ago I had one star-Colleague’s sobering realization: “My child would vote for the AfD”. She was horrified that her 14-year-old son had suddenly become conspicuous with trite, inhumane statements from the right-wing spectrum for no apparent reason. Responsible for this, the colleague found out, was the podcast “Hoss & Hopf”, which has been indoctrinating children and young people with AfD-related slogans and a populist worldview since autumn 2022.
According to the company’s own information, the format reaches around two million individual listeners every month. “Hoss & Hopf” regularly occupies top positions in the podcast rankings of platforms such as Spotify and Apple. This means that each of the 144 episodes so far has been heard hundreds of thousands of times by boys and girls. But that also means: hundreds of thousands of opportunities to plant hatred, agitation and right-wing ideas into the still malleable hearts and brains of children and young people.
Although the operators of the video platform Tiktok have now banned the official account of “Hoss & Hopf”, the two podcasters are just one example of a whole series of dubious role models who are on the Internet and try to seduce young people with right-wing slogans. And at the latest when their child suddenly agitates against refugees or stands out with AfD-speak, parents ask themselves: What happened? And how can I best discuss the topic with my child?
Thorsten Niebling is responsible for such questions. He works at the Hessian advice center “Red Line” and is co-head of the educational center for right-wing extremism. In his work he specializes in dealing with young people who are on the right-wing fringe. “We have been receiving an increasing number of inquiries from schools for a few weeks now,” says the social worker in an interview with star. “The issues of the extreme right are booming again and don’t stop at even the youngest people.” According to Niebling, this shows how much the social discourse has changed in the meantime.
Expert Torsten Niebling: “The issues of the right are booming”
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How do I talk to my child about the AfD?
It is usually a shock for parents when they see their child drifting to the right – especially if they may have a completely different view of the world and believed that they had passed this on to their child in their upbringing. Trying to have a conversation in this heated atmosphere often presents parents with major challenges.
When it comes to communicating with children, what is most important is an emotional approach, says right-wing extremism expert Niebling: “It helps if parents are interested in what their children are saying Children look at what sources they use to form their opinions.”
But how exactly do you best have such a conversation with your child? In the star Niebling reveals seven sentences that he gives parents for such a discussion.
- I’m interested in the things you’ve looked at.
It is extremely important to show young people that you are interested in their lives. If there is an open communication culture within the family, it is easier to talk about difficult topics. Even when it comes to questionable statements, it is important to first express interest in what the background is, rather than reflexively falling into accusations or defensiveness. - You are old enough to judge political issues. But there are other opinions on the topic that you should know.
With this sentence, parents signal that they take their child and his or her views seriously. This is essential for a conversation at eye level in which parents can also present and explain their political opinions. You shouldn’t be directly critical of the child’s opinion, but rather question what lies behind it and show understanding on an emotional level. - Fear can easily lead to hate. Why is anyone being denounced here?
Right-wing extremist views are often associated with fear. Fear of people who look different, fear of the world falling apart. If the child mainly makes fear-related statements, you can follow up here. What exactly scares him? Who is being denounced – and for what reason? These and similar questions help young people to question their own views again. In this way, parents also avoid acting accusatory. - There is something that is important to me and perhaps to you too: humanity, freedom, freedom of the press, democracy, tolerance and willingness to help. Where do you find this again?
Children like simple answers. Unfortunately, our complex world sometimes makes this difficult. By setting an example for them and showing them what values are important to us – and in most cases also to them – we can invite them to look at their own idols more carefully. And through dialogue about our own values, we also learn what is important to our child and what needs he or she may be trying to fulfill through his or her view. Often it is not about the content of right-wing actors, but rather about an emotional level, about belonging or recognition. - What does this person want to trigger in you with the content?
Change your perspective with your child. What’s the point of “Hoss and Hopf”, for example, that so many young people celebrate and share their content? What goals are the creators pursuing with their podcast? And are there perhaps other perspectives on the topic that are left out here? Such a thought game allows your child to look at the whole thing differently. In this way, parents also avoid the danger of trying to impose their own perspective on him. - Even if it sometimes seems that way: you don’t have to position yourself.
The world is dividing into camps, at least that’s how it sometimes seems. This is often confusing for children. You often learn in the media and on social media: if you’re not left-wing, you’re right-wing. According to Niebling, this creates pressure to position yourself. As a parent, you can take away this pressure by classifying social developments and explaining that there is not just black and white or left and right in this world, but also a lot in between.