The spy film parody “True Lies” dates from the early 1990s. We’ll come back to guns and hidden cash reserves later. In any case, the film is not quite as old as the Chancellor’s bag, which has been worn out since the early 1980s but is also extremely likeable and possibly even confidence-inspiring. Of leather. Black. In terms of color, on closer inspection it turned out to be what also characterizes the Union: a subtle mold of use. Sometimes it suggests the beauty of the patina, sometimes just the cliché of down-to-earthness.
Scholz has just posted the secret of the bag on Instagram. The result is shocking. Speaking of which, did Putin remember the film scene from “Operation Valkyrie – The Stauffenberg Attack” at the XXXL Kremlin table? Hitler, a table, a bag, a bomb … the solution to all problems is not always on the table. It’s a shame that bags with explosive slipcases that don’t appear bulky can only be ordered on the dark web.
The Scholz bag does not come from there. Scholz bought the bag decades ago, but it basically always looks as dented as after a heavy detonation. As a “young lawyer”. He writes: “My briefcase accompanies me to every appointment, every trip abroad and also on vacation.” You imagine shorts, flip-flops and sand in them. A little utopia.
The hope remains that there can be a real life in the wrong briefcase
In fact, according to Scholz, it only contains: “My reading glasses, daily newspapers and, of course, files.” Stunning. A chancellor like you and me. With a commendable penchant for daily newspapers, possibly even southern German newspapers. That’s reassuring. In daily newspapers there are editorials for problems of all kinds. Read them up. Implement. Finished. world saved.
The files are less great. You imagine Putin saying: Listen, Olaf, I’ll turn off the gas now, got it? And Scholz, what else should he do after decades of being in love with German input, makes a shaky memo: “No gas? Ask Annalena.” Circled in colour.
Maybe Scholz will add “Pennschieter”. That’s speculative. Ultimately, briefcases are not used for anything else. On assumptions and hopes that there could be a real life in the wrong briefcase. If chancellors were instead to carry it bags with them at the price of back gas payments, nothing would change.
In “True Lies” the bag is also used for an ingenious turn-on trick (which works as well as any other Valkyrie). You hide weapons, wads of money and mysterious documents in it, you push the bag to a beautiful strange woman in a restaurant (“quickly, you can’t find that on me”) – and you wait for the usual secret of a bag and the usual longing for connect an exciting different life to an act of love and intoxicating ecstasy.
As for Scholz: someone has to read editorials. Incidentally, Queen Elizabeth II is said to have always kept jam sandwiches in her legendary handbags. That is majestic. We have Scholz and his files.