We got married a good year ago, the big party was supposed to take place afterwards, the invitations had already been sent, but then Corona came. We had to postpone the celebration. In the meantime we hardly have anything to do with some of those invited. My mother says I have to invite the same guests, I would like to “exchange” some. Am I allowed to do that? Jana N., Dresden
Margit Auer:
Of course you can! It is your party and it should be as beautiful as possible. Celebrate with the people you want to be around. The last year was a year of standstill, but it wasn’t so quiet that nothing would have happened. Some friends made you laugh, poured your heart out, accompanied you well through the crisis. Others have turned out to be bores, unreliable boasters or pain in the ass. Or they didn’t even get in touch. It would be fatal to “drag it along” year after year. Anyway, I am of the opinion that you should not only muck out your apartment, but also your address book from time to time. If someone complains, just say you wanted to keep the party smaller. You can also reassure your mother: after all, you haven’t exchanged the bridegroom!
Margit Auer is the author of the children’s book bestseller series “The School of Magical Animals”, which has now been printed more than two million times and translated into 22 languages. She has three sons, almost all of whom are grown up, and lives in the middle of Bavaria.
(Photo: Auer)
Herbert Renz upholstery:
Your mother probably says: You have to keep your word – a well-known sentence that ostensibly stands for honesty and loyalty. I still think you don’t have to. Because your invitation was an expression of a relationship that has since lost its ground: that you mean something to each other and therefore celebrate the perhaps most important festival in a lifetime together. Why should you celebrate your party with people you didn’t care for? That also takes some of its deeper splendor from the festival and turns it into any party. For me, that would not be loyalty in the human sense – it is then for people who have slipped out of your life, but diminishes the celebration for those with whom you feel a deep connection. And the honesty – so the word with the honor in it? For me, that would consist of you telling the rejected guests that you meanwhile want to celebrate your party in a smaller circle. In doing so, you are not accountable whether the “tight” refers to numbers or to closer relationships. Who shouldn’t understand? I even suspect that your message will be received positively. Who wants to celebrate a wedding with people you don’t have any contact with?
Herbert Renz upholstery is a pediatrician, scientist, and author of parenting guides and the “Understanding Children” blog. He has four grown children and lives in Ravensburg with his wife and youngest child.
(Photo: Random House)
Collien Ulmen-Fernandes:
Dear Jana, first of all I have to give you honest praise: You are immensely honored that you are more than a year late in hosting such a celebration. I know countless married couples who – even without a pandemic – got married on a small scale and then announced a big celebration for all friends and relatives for “a little later”. And then, you guessed it, soon there was never any talk of a celebration at all again, although the invitations were already full-bodied. Rumor has it that this was also the case with a certain Elmen family. But I don’t know anything about it. I think you shouldn’t feel obliged to do anything. There is no one to whom you would have to account for identical guest lists. It is your day! Not the day of Aunt Fischer and Mrs. Trudl next door. So: be brave, swap!
Collien Elmen-Fernandes is an actress and presenter. The mother of one daughter lives in Potsdam and has written the children’s book bestseller “Lotti und Otto” and the parents’ guide “I’m going to be mom”.
(Photo: Anatol Kotte)