“It doesn’t matter, I’ll run”, this sentence is something like the life motto of 19-year-old Anne. The young woman is driven by her boundless urge for freedom and self-determination. But it’s not that easy with running, with being able to move freely, neither in a figurative nor in a very practical sense.
Anne broke her ankle bone, known as an astragalus in medical jargon. astragalus, is also the name of the radio play based on the autobiographical novel of the same name by the French author Albertine Sarrazin (1937-1967), which Barbara Meerkötter produced for BR with Vidina Popov in the leading role. It is a text, almost sixty years old, strongly reminiscent of the autofictional writing of Annie Ernaux, of the same generation as Sarrazin. Both women write very clearly and pointedly about the hardship of escaping one’s own circumstances.
So this Anne wants to jump, independent of everything and everyone – but can’t. Because she severely injured her ankle in the first long and risky sentence, on which everything else would depend. A jump was what got her out of prison. And now leaves sore.
Back to prison? Under no circumstances
It is not known why Anne was locked up. It’s all about the future now. Which, however, is threatened by the tiresome present. Anne experienced her leap into freedom as a flight. But the landing was hard. She can’t go to a doctor or a hospital with her injured foot, at least not for the time being.
Despite the fear of having to go back to prison: Anne is dependent on outside help. Which she hates. She has to trust that others mean well by her. This is not a matter of course, especially not with strangers, but not even with acquaintances, friends, lovers. And regardless of the state of health.
The word Astragalus contains, even if it is not derived from it, Astra, Latin for stars. Anne reaches for them. She doesn’t want to be held down. From their milieu, their poverty, from authorities. Want to jump, want to fly. And, according to the author Albertine Sarrazin, it reaches quite a distance, quite high.
Not that the young woman would make a Cinderella career or find happiness, certainly not at the side of whoever – because, what happiness would that be as someone else’s object? Hold on for now, don’t get caught, get well. Make the right decisions, weigh risks wisely. Organize what you need. Say no if you don’t want to.
These are Anne’s triumphs, this is her freedom. To enable an unconventional life. And at the same time – this is the most important as well as the most difficult thing – to allow closeness. Without automatically getting into a position of weakness.
astragalusBayern 2, June 23, 2023, 9:05 p.m.