So-called “people pleasers” want to please everyone – and often forget themselves in the process. Here, qualified psychologists explain how you can give charming rejections and why a guilty conscience should be celebrated.
It’s 4:53 p.m. when my boss suddenly stands in front of my desk and asks me to complete another task: “It’s best to see me tomorrow.” While my long to-do list is playing like the end credits of a movie in my mind’s eye, I’m actually on the way to my family and everything inside me is screaming “No”, it happened: “Yes, of course!” Zack, before I know it, the new project is on my desk. On the way home I meet my neighbor who asks me if I can look after her flowers while she’s on vacation. Although I don’t have a green thumb and barely find time to water our own cacti adequately, I suddenly find myself holding their key in my hand. As I lie dissatisfied in bed at night, my head rattles: Why didn’t I just say no?
These three warning signs are typical of “people pleasers”
In everyday life there are always situations in which we find it difficult to say a clear no. However, anyone who constantly says yes to everything in various areas of life and follows others without paying attention to their own needs and wishes is engaging in so-called “people pleasing”. A term that is used more and more frequently in the psychological literature – but the behavior pattern itself is rarely studied scientifically. What actually defines typical “people pleasers”? “People who tend to “people please” sacrifice themselves and commit to something even though they don’t actually have the time or energy. They try so hard to meet the expectations of others that he or she often falls by the wayside.” , explains qualified psychologist Ulrike Bossmann, who has dedicated a book to the topic.
There are three clear warning signs for the best-selling author.