The smartphone that vibrates every minute, the screen that lights up as soon as a notification arrives, the adrenaline rush before opening a message… Since the Covid-19 pandemic and confinement, a large number of WhatsApp discussions have created with groups of family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc.
And everyone interacts in their own way: there is the sister who bombards the group with her vacation photos, the brother who flaunts his hypochondriac anxieties, the uncle with embarrassing sexist and racist jokes, the cousin who displays her newborn from every angle and the cousin who recounts his life in endless vocals. For some, family groups help to keep in touch and get news. But for others, the pressure to respond, comment or rave about a photo or anecdote can become unbearable. So big outburst or mega anxiety? We went to survey our readers to find out a little more.
“Systematic muting”
In the team of positive points, there is Marie-Claude who appreciates WhatsApp because the application allows her to communicate with her loved ones who are far from her. Plus, “we’re smart enough not to get in each other’s way,” she adds. Flavie, for her part, does not feel any specific pressure in these groups where “it is more of a logbook or a family gazette where everyone puts photos of things accomplished or of their vacations”.
On the other hand, since there is “nothing urgent” in these, it is “systematic muting”. Holiday photos, children’s progress, birthdays, recap of information on social networks… “A family WhatsApp group is like a nephew’s communion meal but via networks”, summarizes Fred. “It allows you to get news from each other, but for those who like their peace and quiet, quickly move to the “mute” team! “. The message has gotten through.
“Some use WhatsApp to display and humiliate”
While some manage to get past the multiple requests, for others it remains more complicated. Léo* often feels “disturbed” by these groups when he works or plays sports. He must have had trouble with “the brothers’ sexist jokes while [ses] children are in the group. Wilfried has already felt “pressure” in groups where people had large age differences or came from different social backgrounds. Wish birthdays on time, respond to “have a good day” while “tensions may exist between some”. All of this may seem “hypocritical” as he explains: “We don’t know the degree of sincerity, we wonder if it’s not provocation.”
Saddie goes even further, detailing the abuses that can arise from these conversations as the messages are visible to all members. “Some people take advantage of this ‘evidence’ to criticize and judge,” he says. “Messages have often been used as a weapon during family meals. Some use the application to display and humiliate, to highlight for all to see certain things that we would like to leave private. For example, if someone is unavailable for an event, a member can openly criticize. » He concludes: “What bothers me is that all this dirty laundry is exposed to everyone.”
To remedy the overflow of notifications, some are resorting to the strong method, like this American father who in January 2023 had the buzz with a resignation message from his family’s WhatsApp groupreferring to “the pressure of always having to laugh or like or add hearts to everyone’s every thought, photo and joke.”
Josselin decided a year ago to unsubscribe from his family’s shared photo albums. He warns them before doing it, and magic… It happens! “And the least we can say is that I feel much better since then,” he says. No more pressure to comment and like. As for the family WhatsApp group, “it is in silent and archived mode. I only open them when I’m in a good place mood “. Léo is not as lucky: “If I leave the group, my sister knows it and adds me again without my validation”. No luck.
*The first name has been changed