The singer of the punk band Feine Sahne Fischfilet is known for clear, open words. In his book “Niemals sated” he writes ruthlessly about his life with 182 kilos – and the causes of his overweight.
His weight has never stopped Monchi from doing anything. The frontman of the punk band Feine Sahne Fischfilet drummed on his big belly at concerts. Confidently tore off the 6XL shirt. Or dropped into the crowd in front of the stage.
The belly was his trademark. Within a year, the 34-year-old has lost more than 65 kilograms. And now a book written – about being fat and the constant fight against excess.
“It wasn’t about writing a fitness guru book for me,” says Monchi in an interview with the German Press Agency. If it motivates people, then that’s nice. First and foremost, it’s about him and his overweight. And the central question: How did it come about?
Monchi’s real name is Jan Gorkow. He has been singing and writing for Feine Sahne since 2007. In recent years, the musicians from the extreme north-east of Germany have made a steep ascent: what began in youth centers has taken them to the main stages of festivals such as Rock am Ring. Added to this was her political commitment against the right. But with the popularity also increased the stress and the media attention. For the band, it was therefore already clear before the corona pandemic: 2020 will be a break year.
Shock when looking at the scales
This is where Monchi’s book begins. In Bamberg, Franconia, the tour finale is coming up at the end of 2019 – the last concert for a year. It should be a “perverse demolition”. But before that he looks around the concert location. In a basketball arena locker room, he discovers a pair of scales. He stands on her. The result: 182 kilos. As he calculates after the concert, that corresponds to a body mass index of 49.4 for his size. Or obesity stage 3.
“At that moment I thought: sick, that’s more than mothers and fatters together,” he says. It was a shock, but not an awakening experience. Because there were always situations like this in the past. None of his shirts fit more than two festival summers. Monchi: “Displacement was my prime discipline”.
But why did it work out at this moment with the weight loss? “Because I was calm. Because I was able to really think about myself for the very first time – both positively and negatively,” says Monchi. One thing is certain: “If we had kept playing concerts, I would not have lost weight. Just because of the buffet.” In the months following the tour finals, he begins exercising. The first time since his time in youth football. He rides his bike, later he also goes jogging. And he discovered intermittent fasting for himself.
About sugar addiction
At the same time, he kept jotting down thoughts and experiences. It had become clear to him: “I’m addicted to sugar”. His disorder is particularly noticeable in stressful situations. For him, eating is heaven and hell at the same time. “Because it will eat up very quickly. It’s not about a bag of gummy bears and a pack of children’s bars. But then there is ice cream, bockwurst, cherry yoghurt with Pringles, Knoppers. The complete escalation,” he says.
Gradually, the musician recognized patterns and impulses in himself – and has been fighting against them ever since. That doesn’t always work. But: “Now I see it all. This self-destruction used to be part of everyday life, absolutely normal». After losing weight, his best weight was 250 pounds. He currently weighs around 125 kilos. “I just realize that this is a marathon. Every day is a struggle,” says Monchi.
In the book “Niemals satiated” the singer writes his feelings from the soul after every setback. He describes self-doubt, reflects on his behavior and addresses his fears, such as those of the yo-yo effect. Conversely, Monchi’s joy and pride after success jump out at the reader. Several times the feeling creeps in that a good friend is pouring out his heart.
childhood anecdotes
His youthful North German language also contributes to this. As in a face-to-face conversation, sentences often begin with “Digger”. On weekends and after concerts there is a beer and schnapps “a hit on the helmets”. You “treat” yourself. And during a fight, a younger version of Monchis “simply got in front of the mixer”. As he himself writes: “I find the real and supposedly ugly a thousand times more beautiful than the supposedly perfect.”
Monchi includes numerous anecdotes in the field report. About childhood in Western Pomerania. About Grandma Annemie and Grandpa Gerdi. About the gym teacher who wanted to weigh him in front of the class. About the time in the ultra scene of FC Hansa Rostock. About the love of bathing. About escapades in the left scene and previous convictions. About brawls with «fascists». From drinking binges to unconsciousness, drugs and verbal gaffes. About hate comments on the internet. About the band. And about his parents, who still stuck by him.
Monchi has dedicated a separate category to all the challenges that obesity patients face every day. He called it “I see something you don’t see”. It’s about bikes, toilet seats, chairs and beds that collapsed under the weight of the punk singer. Or all the problems that can be associated with a flight for “people of stature”.
Unflinching self-criticism
These are the passages in the book where Monchi writes particularly often about shame. For example, if during a three-week rehearsal phase with the band in Schleswig-Holstein he falls into a “sweet rush” – and plunders the candy hiding place. Just one of many scenes that he describes with unsparing honesty and self-criticism.
Not only the musician, but also the author Monchi wears his heart on his sleeve – which makes his amazing report and the biographical inserts all the more authentic. Whether intentional or not, he, who often had the feeling of fighting alone against his excess weight, created a stage with his debut work. Not only for himself, but for many “people with format”.
– Monchi: Never full. About the hunger for life and 182 kilos on the scales, Kiepenheuer & Witsch, Cologne, paperback, 320 pages, 18.00 euros, ISBN 978-3-462-00259-1.