The last time an attempt was made in Germany to talk about issues of migration, integration or racism, the debate quickly got lost in an irreconcilable opposition between the various camps. To stay with the terminology that is then often used: woke (the new swear word of the conservatives) against the old white man (the already established swear word of the left). Like a blessing, Musa Deli’s new book “Growing Together. The Challenges of Integration” falls right into the middle of this heated discussion culture, which is riddled with indignation.
Relentlessly honest, it shakes hands with both sides, trying to build a bridge without attributing guilt or assuming innocence. It does not pursue any ideology and cannot be located in any left-right spectrum. It wants to appeal to everyone and yet does not use a gender star. In all the excitement that prevails in Germany at times, this book is pleasantly calm and factual and shows how things can go beyond the culture of outrage.
Beyond the outrage culture
From his own experience and from his work as head of the Cologne health center for migrants, the social psychologist knows the challenges of people living in Germany with migration experience from the first to the third generation very well and focuses his attention primarily on the German Turks in “Growing Together”. . He tells their stories, which deal with psychological problems, experiences of racism, denied educational opportunities, a lack of language and a lack of integration. And by telling them using people as examples, the behaviors that were previously only viewed from the outside become understandable and comprehensible.
The tragedy behind the swanky cars
The first thing Deli does is as simple as it is ingenious: He simply admits the phenomena that one side too often negates and the other side too often abuses and that everyone somehow knows: Be it the old couple with a migration background , which even after decades does not speak German; the young Turkish woman who, as a mother and housewife, has little access to local society; Expressions of sympathy for the Turkish head of state Erdoğan or limousines that dominate the show on the party streets of the big cities. In the same breath, however, he takes these behaviors, which have so far served as clichés and targets for attack, and straightens them out by showing the causes behind them and revealing the tragedy that lies behind them for the individual.
For example, he explains two things using the example of consumption displayed by expensive cars: For some, this is a way of conveying to the outside world that you have made it and achieved something in Germany. For the others, the assumption is obvious that “consumption is either financed by undeclared work or by criminal business”. Because how else is it supposed to work when people with a migration background are still working in significantly lower-paid jobs – right? Deli himself gives the answer to this and so many other phenomena he has explained: “Often none of the consumer goods are actually owned. People take advantage of the opportunity – much more frequently than the majority of society – to finance everything with the help of a consumer loan.” For this, the last money is scraped together, sometimes over-indebtedness is the result.
Learning German as the first requirement
Deli also does not shy away from going to court with both sides as hard as it is factual. He writes: “Anyone who deliberately refuses to learn the language of the country in which they live should not be surprised if integration does not work and the people around them react with incomprehension.” He makes integration, which is now rejected by some left-wing circles, a prerequisite.
But the speechlessness that lasted for generations is understandable if one starts with the parents, who came to Germany as guest workers and initially neither had to nor should learn German. From there, the focus is on the child that is born into this family and does not learn German until elementary school because the mother is at home and a place in kindergarten is difficult to get. It goes without saying that this child will have difficulties in elementary school.
Children’s birthdays as a problem
As simple and sober as Musa Deli analyzes problems, his stories are as personal and touching where he lets his own life story flow – at least for the reader who is familiar with the hardships of families with migration experience. He tells how his mother once forgot his child’s birthday because the birthday doesn’t play a big role in Turkish-Islamic culture. He tells how difficult it was for him at school when the teacher congratulated him and he didn’t know how to deal with it.
Musa Deli, head of the Cologne health center for migrants, has written down his experiences
(Photo: GfM)
Of course, German students invited to big children’s birthday parties, but not those of Turkish origin. There was a lack of space and financial means for such a celebration, as well as the knowledge of how to organize such a birthday. Out of ignorance, people did not bring presents to the celebrations of others and were therefore soon no longer invited. But this woman, who forgot her son’s birthday, now years later gives her granddaughter a present. This woman can hardly read or write, and it took her more than an hour to complete the four error-ridden sentences in this first birthday card. “However, she summoned all her courage and wrote this card for her granddaughter.”
Instructions and prompts at the same time
With the destinies that he describes and thus makes comprehensible, Deli’s book becomes an eye-opener for both sides. It is a guide to reflect on yourself and this society in its structures. It is an invitation to talk to each other and to clear up misunderstandings.
Whatever prejudices you may have had about German Turks before reading this book, you will think differently after reading it. And not because the author takes sides for one side and fights for their rights as a minority, but because he explains the causes of individual behavior and the great social coexistence for all sides equally disarming.
Even uncomfortable truths help
The only thing that can be said against this book is that it doesn’t differentiate enough between the author’s experience, which is characterized by the people who come to his counseling center with their difficulties, and all those people with a migration background who live like every other German without migration experience too. It is to be hoped that this focus on what is not going well, instead of also reporting on positive examples, is not exploited by the wrong side. At the same time, this danger must not tempt this society to duck away from uncomfortable truths. In this respect one must be grateful to Musa Deli that he had the courage and honesty to describe reality as he sees it, to analyze the reasons behind it and to show solutions how things could be better.
And so at the end of the book, the almost desperate wish can only remain on both pages, on all pages: Can’t we all start all over again? Can’t we all get to know each other all over again?