Man as such has gained such a bad reputation that calls for mankind to go on without men are becoming increasingly popular. This is unfortunate, but also understandable. Men have screwed up a lot of things over the past 100,000 years, with the invention of robbery, the gentleman’s cake and stock market speculation being particularly ominous. The bottom line is that their existence has brought little to humanity. Let’s put it bluntly: the man had his chance, he blew it, now he can resign – with a few notable exceptions, such as men who write texts like this.
Women, of course, know best how useless men are. But because women are compassionate and understanding, they sometimes give these losers a chance to prove themselves.
This happens in a kind of jungle test, whereby the jungle is usually a fashion boutique or the women’s department of a shoe store. Munich women in particular can spend hours, even days, in such shops, whereas their husbands are as out of place there as a polar bear in the Sahara. But it doesn’t help, they have to go through it, they have to accompany their lady when she tries on five dozen costumes and 42 pairs of shoes.
This is the moment when the wheat separates from the chaff. Good men don’t flee to the nearest tavern, but wait in the alien milieu of female shopping sessions, simulate enthusiasm when the beloved presents what feels like their ninety-ninth dress, and nod to the saleswoman when she says for the ninety-ninth time that the model is perfect for her wife. The shopping companion is better off not making his own judgment, it would be dismissed as irrelevant drivel by a completely clueless person anyway. The woman would only be clairaudient if the husband had the audacity to think a dress was too tight. After such a comment, the room temperature drops immediately into the minus range.
Elegant fashion shops always provide a few chairs on which the gentlemen they have brought with them can be set down. Experienced escorts bring a book, but it should be at least 500 pages.
Munich residents in particular, who are always under stress, would do well to see these hours of complete emptiness as an opportunity: they can finally get down from the tree, slow down and contemplate. Between bustling saleswomen and women addicted to fashion, he finds that spiritual balance that others seek in monasteries or yoga seminars. Ancient Indian legends often tell of holy men who found enlightenment while waiting in the shoe shop.
Munich’s men are still miles away from that. You’d rather sit in the tavern. No wonder their time is up.