Updated on 01/29/2022 08:08
A new day at the Anouschka Renzi Festival in the Daniel Hartwich Multipurpose Hall in South Africa. In the wake of yesterday’s driving test fiasco, after just a few seconds, the waves are higher than the corona incidences in Germany. Fortunately, the C-celebrity harbingers of the apocalypse exposed by RTL to the big celebrity cockroach dinner are currently in intellectual quarantine in the jungle camp. So far away from the Robert Koch Institute and Karl Lauterbach. The only thing further away now is actually the chances of ever getting a serious job offer again.
Except maybe now Anouschka Renzi, as of Germany greatest character actress of all time naturally has a decent lead in credibility. How long it stays that way if she continues to bully her way through the ensemble with the empathy of a battle ax on LSD – not even dr. bob. Nevertheless, the further course of the evening developed into a show for all facets of this exceptional artist.
It starts with a real Renzi. She indirectly insinuates that the audience is too stupid to see through the evil game of Linda and the other thorny birds: “Are the viewers really so stupid that they believe that?” Anouschka is at a loss as to how you can do so much show in a TV show of all places (and now watch out!):
“Doing a show like this is beyond my ethics”. Hard words from Friedrich Nietzsche of private television. But that’s also the reason why itself Albert Einstein failed because of the renzivity theory.
All against Anouschka Renzi
In her legendary modesty, Renzi only reminds her (hehe) fellow STREITs three or four times that she is further ahead of them in terms of career than Meryl Streep Valentina Pahde: “At least I’m a star, you’re not!” Return coach Queen Linda, however, immediately points out that she “is still in the same car with me and is doing the same jungle test, you star!” Ouch. Of course, Renzi is not impressed by this and lets the talent hammer circle again: “I’m surrounded by amateur actors from Pusemuckel”. Known perhaps from the famous children’s series “Meister Eder and his Pusemuckel”.
Back at the camp, tempers have not cooled down and suddenly everyone is screaming at once. A babble of voices from ten drama queens bullying each other. A bit like ours Christmas, when I remark at a family dinner that beef fillet is just not particularly vegan. The same thing is happening to me now Harald Gloöckler. He has the fax thick and states: “All this is ridiculous, boring and tiring”. A sentence that you usually only read about his collections. And yet it is full of explosiveness. Is there a crack in the last remaining academic duo in RTL history? In any case, Anouschka is stunned: “Are you going to shoot me now?” Well, some say so, others say so. And Harald like this: “I’ll protect you all the time. But that’s getting on my nerves. That’s enough!”
The completely shocked Anouschka usually reacts to criticism with a latent sniffle and therefore subsumes the situation around Harald, who deserted from her Anousch army, under the motto: “Now everyone has conspired against me!” The deserter himself remains stable and adds: “Are we in jungle camp or are we in a madhouse?” Well, after 14 seasons, most of the regular viewers weren’t necessarily aware that there was a difference at all.
Anouschka’s facade is crumbling. In isolation, it is quite hopeless in the jungle camp. So what to do? show insight? Nearly. She sums it up: “At some point it’s good, I didn’t kill anyone”. Well, apart from the mood in the camp, the nerves of the spectators and the level of the successful format. On the other hand, things are not always going badly for Anouschka. Your hair towel, for example, has significantly more airtime than Manuel Flickinger.
Since this evening, after sufficient confrontation, a touch of eroticism is still missing, shows RTL then how the philanderer Harald fantasizes about erotic adventure land: “The Eric will do the foursome with me.” Okay, it was about the distribution of the night’s watch, but those are details.
Roses are red, stress is nasty. Anouschka Renzi has ADD
But since today is also the first day on which a candidate has to leave the camp at the hands of the spectators, suddenly Anouschka is still in the twilight of the gods. Howling, she collapses on Harald’s steel-hard mega breast. She tearfully admits to suffering from ADD. In many places it was previously thought that an official attention deficit disorder would be a criterion for admission to the large RTL catchment area for ex-celebrities who were difficult to train. But it’s not like that. In a big confession that the boulevard will exploit for the next 12 months under the title “Anouschka Renzi: The Great Confession of Life”, she also admits it to the group and apologizes for everything she said at the increased jungle stress level . An orgy of hugs follows with all campers and the rehabilitation of Anouschka Renzi is initiated. Such luck – just in time before the first expulsion.
But before anyone leaves, there’s men’s beef first. After Filip Pavlovic yesterday already the tablecloth between him and Tara Tabitha cut up, he comes today with a chainsaw to shave his connection to Eric Stehfest for good. Somehow it’s about who fetches water how often and who prefers to sleep, and in the end Filip is in a rage and Eric leaves with Harald, sulking. It won’t be a real male friendship anymore. After discussing his lack of understanding about Filip’s sleeping habits with Harald in detail, Eric decides not to go straight back to the others: “I don’t want to pour fire into the wound”. A very good idea. That would be fatal. It would actually only be worse if he were to sprinkle salt in the oil.
Lutz and Giselle – isn’t there something going on?
The dispute does not escalate further at first, because RTL calls Tina, Linda and Anouschka to the next test, the big RTL celebrity celebrity rate. Linda and Anouschka each have to describe a celebrity in just three words, which Tina then has to guess. The newly reconciled Linda and Anouschka are celebrity-confident and provide Tina with so many three-word templates that it is enough for 9 stars. Record! Shortly thereafter, the party mood is over again, because the RTL terminators Sonja Z and Daniel H are doing their job. Without much sympathy, they announce the verdict of the audience jury: Toenail millionaire and Filip stalker Tara has to go. She is stunned. For minutes she sits by the campfire with an expression on her face that can actually only mean: Now this asshole Anouschka has actually sympathized past me with her tearful confession.
An interesting spectacle for trash TV historians. The real highlight of the evening takes place a few thousand kilometers further north in tranquil Cologne-Ossendorf. There sit Olivia Jones and a moderator, who has a double name that I can never remember, and invite to the “hour after”, so to speak the “Markus Lanz” for allergy sufferers. A few ex-candidates sit there every day and comment on current events. Today is for some unknown reason Lutz van der Horst included. And Giselle Oppermann. What is less amazing, after all, she was actually in the jungle camp herself in 2019.
I would have liked to have been there when all the participants met backstage for the first time before the show and Giselle had Lutz explain who he was. I imagine it something like this:
Lutz: “So I’m Lutz!”
Giselle: “And which season were you in?”
Lutz: “No, I’m from the Today Show!”
Giselle: “Really? They have news in the jungle camp now?”
Lutz van der Horst and Giselle Oppermann on the same topic in the same program. It’s a bit like FC Bayern Munich betting on a 4-4-2 system in the Champions League final and then setting up a double lead of Robert Lewandowski and Peter Altmaier. But back to the topic: Tara has to stay the night at the camp and won’t start her way home until the next morning. The next morning, or as Filip says: “Morning light”. Whether there are tears of farewell and whether Tara gives everyone a pair of toenails as a souvenir – I will report here tomorrow.
Campfire romance under the starry sky: The jungle camp offers the perfect setting to fall in love with. Not only in the past there have been wild flirts. This year, too, something seems to be brewing between two candidates at lightning speed.