Actually, Sven is not exactly someone who pulls things through. If you want to quit smoking, however, you have little choice. How can he make it?
Dear Dr. Peirano,
I (32, electrician) have the problem that I put off a lot of things and then feel bad. I’m relatively undisciplined and don’t manage to do what I set out to do. Now I want to quit smoking (again). I’ve done this a couple of times and started again and again after two months at the latest. For example because I was partying and everyone was smoking. My colleagues all smoke too, and that doesn’t make things any easier.
However, my girlfriend who I live with also wants to quit smoking and she is more disciplined.
So I wanted to ask if you, as a behavioral therapist, have any tips. Can hypnosis help?
Best regards
Sven K
Dear Sven K,
I think it’s good that this time you want to approach the topic with new methods and more thoroughly than before, and I’m happy to give you a few ideas on how you can help yourself with this!
You can use hypnosis to help you quit smoking, but it’s usually not as easy as you might think. Many people have the desire to be hypnotized and solve their problems in the process. They imagine that they can just lay down on a soft couch and relax while the therapist talks, and after a session or maybe two their problem is just hypnotized away like that.
This can sometimes work, but often something more is necessary, for example asking about the causes of the urge to smoke or about possible alternative actions (e.g. doing more sport). You can also look at what kind of situation and why someone started smoking and what the point of it all should be (e.g. to belong because everyone smokes. Or to supposedly relax. Or to conceal insecurities because you always has something to do with a cigarette in hand).
However, I would not recommend hypnosis for you, because that would be passive again (the therapist guides you, you just lie there). You describe yourself as undisciplined and not very strong-willed. Therefore, I would rather give you methods to solve your problem yourself and actively, because that will make you proud and give you strength.
There is a very long, cumbersome German word that I would like to suggest to you here. It says: “self-efficacy expectation”. Something wonderful is hidden behind this somewhat technical term. When I expect to be effective myself, I trust myself to solve problems. I believe in myself and my abilities and I know I can persevere even when the going gets tough.
When I have high expectations of self-efficacy, I look back on a number of challenges, all of which I have overcome. For example through perseverance, patience, commitment, structure. Or by constantly imagining how I had already achieved the goal. I have a lot more freedom and a lot more courage to face challenges when I have a high expectation of self-efficacy. So we should train them. Much like how we train our muscles, many sit-ups create a toned stomach. Not much pizza on the sofa.
It can be quite banal situations in which one notices one’s self-efficacy expectation. For example, someone walks into an extremely dirty and untidy kitchen after a party. Someone with little or no self-efficacy says to themselves, “Shit, I’ll never make it” and gets busy with other things. Maybe he or she is suffering from the chaos, but he or she also thinks: “What should I do. That’s just the way it is.” Someone with a low self-efficacy expectation is strongly influenced by feelings – particularly pleasure or displeasure. And to be honest: who wants to spend half a day washing up and cleaning? Those who expect self-efficacy are more likely to be driven by their values and by the image of a positive future. Here the thought would be paramount: “I like to keep it clean and tidy, and I also want to live here and feel good. So I’ll just clear the boat now. It’s not my favorite thing to do, but I know I can do it. And after that I do what I want.”
So you can hang your desire to quit smoking a little higher for once. Think of it this way, if you take up the fight against cigarettes, persevere and win, you can do something for your self-efficacy expectation! Just imagine how you feel if you haven’t smoked for a year and you know you made it, for example. Would you be proud of yourself then? Would you be fitter and healthier? And what about your self-efficacy expectation? Would you dare to do other things if you could have done that? Repeat this imagination exercise every day!
Now we come to the specific tips from the behavior therapy toolbox.
- Get allies and tell them about your plans. There’s a big chance your girlfriend wants to quit too. You could draw up a contract together in which you define your goals. With nicotine, it helps that you can quit completely, so you can and should have a “zero nicotine” rule. You can’t do that when eating out or shopping, because you have to eat and buy things – and that raises the question of whether one piece of cake is okay or problematic… And what about the second piece of cake? Or the tenth pair of shoes?
- Also, tell your co-workers that you want to quit and ask them not to smoke in front of you for the time being and under no circumstances give you a cigarette.
- Make sure that there is not a single cigarette left in your apartment. Think about how you used to buy cigarettes (vending machine/kiosk/grocery store) and work out specifically how you want to prevent this (e.g. going shopping with your girlfriend, not having any small change with you). Presumably, these measures will be necessary, especially in the first few days and weeks, and then the craving will subside.
- What moods or situations make you want to smoke? For many people it is the case that they smoke, for example at parties and in connection with alcohol, rather than alone in the apartment in the morning. For each situation, think about how you can resolve it (eg, not going to parties for a few months and/or drinking only a little alcohol).
- Calculate how much money you have spent on smoking so far. Save this money in a special money box and think about what nice things you can buy with it. Most of the time, quite a lot comes together, and you could also calculate when you reached the first milestone (e.g. 100 euros, 200 euros, 500 euros) – and how much of it you would like to treat yourself to.
- Agree with your friend that the person who wants to smoke a cigarette must first talk to the other person AND write at least three DinA-4 pages on the topic: “Why do I think I need a cigarette right now?” “What does that do to my self-efficacy?” “Where do I see myself in a few months if I allow myself to do that now?” “What could I do in the next hour to take my mind off smoking?”
- If you or your friend breaks the rule to do the steps in point 6 BEFORE a cigarette, you could agree to a penalty. You could have a special piggy bank that everyone puts like $150 or $200 into (it must hurt). The one who violates point 6 loses the money to the others. And with EVERY cigarette (because otherwise you could buy your freedom and just smoke again).
That sounds harsh, but it’s effective. For example, I really never park in a fire department driveway or in a handicapped parking space. To be honest, I don’t necessarily do it out of insight. I don’t think that the house will burn down and I’ll hinder the extinguishing work in the hour that I want to park in the fire brigade driveway. I don’t do it because I’m afraid of the consequences: one time towing costs about 500 euros, plus the ticket, I would have to drive about half a day by bus and train to the parking lot in the middle of nowhere to pick up my car . Conclusion: No thanks. - Analyze your (lazy) excuses for smoking. For example: “I have to have fun too, my life is so hard” or “Everyone around me smokes.” Question these thoughts – preferably together with your girlfriend.
I hope that now you feel equipped to take on the fight against cigarettes and win. You will thank yourself in a year!
Best regards
Juliet Peirano