French amateur football clubs are increasingly torn: they obviously need parents to accompany their young players during away matches but they seek to keep them away from the pitch as much as possible in view of the behavior ” harmful” of many of them. Difficult in this tense context to be able to speak at length with a father closely following the steps of his footballer child.
Father of a 13-year-old player playing in Regional 1 in the Rhône, Esposito Ognimba (41 years old) looks at these parents criticized by amateur football. A former Promotion League player in Aveyron, he admits to having sometimes been “a little temperamental” during his boy’s matches, before staying in his place to support him as best as possible in his “high-level dream”.
Have you tried to encourage your child to play football?
No, he really started playing in a club at the age of 6 but he has actually always been on his own with a ball near him. I wasn’t at all in a competitive spirit at the beginning concerning him, I simply wanted my son to be purely leisure-oriented, so that he wasn’t disgusted by football. But little by little he was asking to play with the best. He took steps that even I didn’t expect. This is why, in addition to club training, we went to development academies in Lyon.
Do you remember sometimes not having the appropriate behavior towards your son at the sidelines?
At the beginning, I admit that I was above all a supporter of my son, with a bit of a temperamental side. I was sometimes frustrated when he was not highlighted, I felt unfair, and that could do my son a disservice. I didn’t criticize the coaches, but I was the type to give instructions to my boy on the pitch. I didn’t wonder if the coaches were good or not, but it was difficult to realize that some of their decisions could break my son’s morale. And then I saw that children were playing more because their parents had allowed themselves to put pressure on the coach… We realize around the football fields that passion prevails over the parental dimension, and I almost fell in there.
Until you really become aware of the negative aspects of such behavior?
Yes, I understood that in order to evolve, the child must not have several speeches in his head because it disturbs him. The coach is there to help him develop. There is the sports educator on one side, and pedagogy and family education on the other. I now always remain in my role. I see things differently by observing all the parents of young players. They are often there to direct their child as if they had a PlayStation controller in their hands, in “do this, do that” mode.
This is not their role, we are no longer in development there. So let the coach plan the children’s learning! I once caught a father who was giving instructions to my own son during a match. I now know that the parents’ attitude is essential: I must be square and disciplined to allow my child to be well structured in order to achieve high in football.
Honestly, is this quest for the highest level mostly his or yours?
When my son was not selected during a scouting with Olympique Lyonnais at the age of 8, at the time, it was as if it was me who had failed. I was wrong. We see so many parents who take their child’s dream for their own, it turns everything upside down. I am here to support my son’s dream. It’s the children’s dream, not ours, we must not forget that. If tomorrow he wants to quit football for X reason, I won’t force him to continue, even if it’s true that we’ve come a long way together. Afterwards, I admit that when I received my son’s summons for the OL detection, I said to myself: “That’s it, he succeeded! » It can make you twist. If we’re not ready for that, we panic.
Does the atmosphere seem more and more problematic around the pitches?
Let’s say that I sometimes have the impression of being in the middle of the ultras when attending U14 matches: parents put pressure on the referees who are often very young and who are also there to learn. A few years ago, I even saw two fathers insult children and come to blows because the son of one had been given tenure instead of the other that day. They are no longer in education, they are borderline fanatics.
Do you understand that amateur clubs like FC93 in Seine-Saint-Denis deprive parents of access to training in youth categories?
Yes, because at a certain age, there are parents who cannot be re-educated. To move forward, we cannot do otherwise, or we need a well-followed general club policy. But for it to work in an amateur club…