Ireland, South Africa, South Africa, Ireland. No matter how much we twist the question in every direction, the answer remains the same: “piss off”. Whatever happens, the French XV will play a hell of a quarter-final against one of the two best nations in the world. Your choice: the Irish, undefeated for more than a year, winners of the VI Nations tournament with Grand Slam and psychological ascendancy over the Blues as a bonus, or South Africa, reigning world champion. The two face off this evening at the Stade de France to see who will finish second in the group and play the Blues in the final phase. Rather than dwell in vain on the power of the Springboks, the intensity of the Irish game and other tactical considerations that you can read elsewhere, we opt for the opposite and more precisely the first degree. Who do we prefer, between South Africa and Ireland?
The hymns
Everyone will have had theirs massacred by the children’s choir who were visibly missing a Gérard Jugnot. On this point, it’s a draw. For the rest, it’s just as tight. Here we are with two of the most beautiful anthems of this Rugby World Cup. Musically, we will appreciate the festive notes of “the Soldier’s song”, which can be listened to just as easily before going to war with the British police as with friends over a Guinness. The South African anthem carries a high symbolic value since it combines the five most spoken languages of the country in a song composed of the old anthem of South Africa and an African liturgical song dear to anti-war movements. -apartheid. Verdict: draw
Hairstyles
In the blue corner, he comes to us from South Africa, measures 1m34 (1m70 for real), weighs 80 kg and plays for the Yokohama Canon Eagles. A scrum half recognized among his peers, he nevertheless cannot match Antoine Dupont. Faf De Klerk stands out for his hair style marked by a love of blonde balayage. His skull oozes the 2000s, those of Britney Spears and David Beckham.
In the red corner, born in New Zealand, and otherwise tall and strong (1m88 and 101kg), he plays in Leinster like any self-respecting Irishman. Winger or even fullback, James Lowe sports a mane that appears discreet due to the effect of constriction. Once the elastic is detached, her hair reveals its true nature : unruly like a teenager going through puberty, sprawling and piercingly black, it’s hard not to see in this man the cheaper version of Aquaman. His style is more contemporary than that of the South African and, as we are not nostalgic boomers, we logically vote Ireland.
Politics
South Africa is the reigning world champion in rugby… and in structural inequalities. A World Bank report dated 2022 singled out the southern country, where the legacy of apartheid remains. Instead of steal an essay from Abdelatif Benazzi in 1995 for the good story (and to offer a great role to Matt Damon), it would have been better to focus on the rebalancing of a society that is always more accommodating for whites than blacks: the former always benefit from the wealth accumulated on generations at the time of segregation and the latter face “inequalities of opportunities” inherited at birth, underlines the report.
None of this in Ireland, although just as accommodating towards the strongest. Tax haven for GAFAM due to an extremely low corporate tax (12.5%), Ireland signed an agreement with the OECD to increase it to 15% for companies generating more than 750 million turnover ( i.e. most of the large technological groups established in the country). Don’t count on us to applaud this tiny effort. Verdict: draw
The supporters
Loud and shameless, the South African supporters left us a very bad impression in 2019 in Japan, where they did not shine with their respect for the host country. Four years later, we logically expect them to turn the corner. The Irish fan is still a little funnier. The only downside is the number: we saw it in Nantes, a Celtic tidal wave (packed), it’s as much noise pollution as the ring road during rush hour. Irish victory nonetheless.
The degree of Frenchness (beret baguette coefficient)
Who has never made the mistake of ending a drunken evening at Sullivan? Ten euros a pint, a lot to pay for dancing in the festive equivalent of a crowded metro train at 8 a.m., with the added bonus of sticky floors from spilling beer everywhere (never a good idea to gesticulate with your glass in hand) . At the capital’s Irish pubs, we will favor the South African approach, more centered on affect. Captain Siya Kolisi, for example, was perfectly able to put Corsica, home of the Springboks before the World Cup, in his pocket. All it took was a declaration:
I want to thank the Corsicans once again for their welcome, their support and all the love they have given. We of course represent South Africa but also, in our hearts, we represent the Corsican people. »
Add to this the infinite list of South African rugby players who have passed through the Top 14 (two thirds of which came from Toulon during the Boudjellal era) and the good dozen who ended up wearing the French XV jersey (Paul Willemse and Bernard Le Roux for the more recent), and you get a hands down victory for the Springboks.
Celebrities
In numbers, it is difficult to compete with the Irish reservoir. Pure talent per m². Bono, Conor McGregor, Colin Farrell, Pierce Brosnan (the one from Mamma Mia, not the lame James Bond), the list is very long. But South Africa is about quality over quantity. Nelson Mandela, Charlize Theron, high level. But also Elon Mu… Um no yuck not him, Oscar Pist… Okay, victory Ireland.
The muscles
There are images that we never forget. That of the Springboks, shirtless, congested to death and dry as a slice of Basque cake during their preparation before the 2019 World Cup, is one of them. Enough to intimidate the bravest of fellows when it’s time to plunge their head into a ruck. However, the South Africans lose to who is heavier: the average weight of the Irish pack puts 5kg in their sight (112kg against 107kg). But we prefer the weight of the image to the weight of the figures. Advantage South Africa.
The players (all the same)
Very simple equation. What team does Jonathan Sexton play on? Ireland. The theorem of primary anti-Sextonism dictates that we support the opposing team, we must therefore support the Springboks. Yes, being an arrogant super player for over a decade – the comparison with Zlatan doesn’t come out of nowhere – it pays off after a while. And anyway, we much prefer the “ish, ish” of Cheslin Kolbe, the only rugby player in the world with the support of a five player. Advantage South Africa.
Final score: 3-3, definitely impossible to choose…