What does it mean if the affair looks exactly like the legitimate partner? Such men aren’t looking for an exotic experience, just an enhanced version of home, says dating coach James Preece. Also, the resemblance helps men to convince themselves.
Britain is shocked. Two stars of the British TV institution “The Only Way Is Essex” – TOWIE for short – were cheated on by their husbands. That alone is not noticeable in the universe of the cult reality trash series. But the affairs each looked almost exactly like the legitimate partners.
Lauren Goodger has fired her boyfriend Charles Drury for allegedly having sex with Amy Gilbert shortly after their daughter was born. Not only does Gilbert look a lot like Goodger, she loves the same poses.
Shortly thereafter, Yazmin Oukhellou found that the man she had left TOWIE for to accompany him to Dubai was seen with another woman at night. Jake McLean chose Ellie Jones of all people – she became known in Great Britain with the series “Love Island”. And she too looks like a doppelganger of the original woman.
Similar – and better at the same time
“Why do so many men date women who look like their girlfriends,” the tabloid The Sun asked relationship expert and celebrity dating coach James Preece. His answer is realistic, but conceivably unromantic: the men were looking for an “upgrade,” he told the newspaper. A harsh comparison from the world of aviation. Airline and destination are okay – but you could still upgrade from tourist class to business.
“Sometimes people are madly in love with their partner and still have the urge to cheat on them,” Preece said. It’s because they feel like they’re missing something. Sex, intimacy, conversations or shared values.
The relationship is actually okay, but there are partial deficits – actually quite normal and unavoidable in everyday life. “Maybe they feel criticized, annoyed or sad that the initial spark is no longer there.” And then the doppelganger shows up. “Now when you happen to meet someone who reminds you of all the things you love about your partner but who also brings those extra things, it’s like you’re dating an enhanced version of your girlfriend.”
Reason for infidelity – finding a “better” version of the partner
It’s very different from what people used to think of as an affair. The classic affair was the opposite of a domestic long-term relationship, the “upgrade” is now the improved version of home. At least that’s how it feels, as the relationship expert explains: “Any problems that you have with your original partner go away, so this seems like a great opportunity.”
Men who cheat like to think it’s going to be fresh and exciting, Preece continued. In addition, there is the “additional bonus of familiarity”. And that feeling lasts for a while.
Because it’s “just” a new romance, according to Preece, the overall pressure is less than in a stable, long-term relationship. The man experiences about the same feelings with the new girl as he did when he met his partner, without all the difficulties that real life brings with it.
Somehow the same woman
The resemblance of the doppelganger also helps men to lull themselves into sleep. Preece fears that the fact that both women are alike could lead to the man feeling that he is not really cheating because the two women are so similar. “It’s how men justify their behavior.” Simply because the men believed that the affair was less personal because it had nothing to do with a person’s physical attractiveness.
From the point of view of the men who cheat on their partners, there would actually be no reason for the main partner to get upset. Therefore, if they were caught cheating, they would not feel like bad people either.
Of course – the expert also explains – the women do not fall for this trick and still get upset when they notice the affair with the doppelganger. For them, the other is a rival like any other and not a carefree edition of themselves.
Overall, the unfaithful men are in a dead end, according to Preece. Because the relationship with the doppelganger quickly left the honeymoon phase and normalized. In a short amount of time, they ended up in the kind of relationship they were hoping to “upgrade.” “It’s likely that men will then realize that there are problems in all relationships and that cheating is not a solution,” the dating coach concludes soberingly.
Source: “The Sun“