“You are like a brother to me. » Ouch. “Are you kidding, I see you as part of my family. » Double ouch. Hard, hard the “friend zone”… This fictitious place where all those who have been victimized by a close friend are trapped.
On social networks, we even talk with humor about “familyzone” when the interlocutor considers that the link between you is almost a family matter. At this point, what he’s trying to gently tell you is that it’s dead for both of you.
But nothing is lost if you’re just in the friendzone! To help you get out of this situation, 20 minutes appealed to Camille Rochetpsychologist and couples therapist.
The causes of the “friendzone”
Before knowing how to get out of the friendzone, you must first understand how you got in, which will prevent you from returning to this article in the future (it’s for your own good).
The psychologist explains that at a certain stage of friendship, when the relationship is very close, it sometimes becomes difficult to project oneself. By discussing all the subjects, being completely without filters, we think we know everything about the other and we no longer leave room for seduction, an essential element in a romantic relationship.
In the case of a woman, the interlocutor may see her as “the best friend”. He may feel like he doesn’t have to seduce her or get to know her more, the proximity having erased this “mysterious” area of her. Same pattern for men once they have quickly given access to their sensitivity, explains the couples therapist. “The man becomes the boy friend who acts as a great girlfriend with whom we can spend hours on the phone,” deciphers the psychologist.
Getting out of the “friendzone”, instructions for use
“Hey, he’s always there for me, he’s the only one who acts like that”, “I laugh so well with her, I can be myself”. If you notice that you have feelings, it is entirely possible to get out of the friendzone, says the psychologist.
To achieve this, “we must accept to drop the mask,” encourages Camille Rochet. Learn to talk about your emotions, but also try to attract attention in other ways. For example, if you used to talk a lot about yourself, let the other person speak, give more space.
In short, try to be seen as a potential partner. Then, you have to “question yourself about your feelings”: what attracts me today that I didn’t see yesterday? Am I ready for life as a couple with this person? If your motivations are healthy, “dare to change the relationship,” encourages the psychologist. And if it doesn’t work, don’t hesitate to ask why to move forward better, she continues. Courage, we believe it!